friends on a VW bus roof
You Drive!

There are days…when I long for a do-over, a ‘take two’.  Why?  I tend to labor over bits of conversations and snippets of experiences…replaying them in my head and critiquing myself.  Did I say the right thing – the right way?  Too much, too little?  Did I do all I could to convey what I was thinking/feeling? 

What’s the problem, you ask?  There are people in my life who place too much confidence in me, assume I’m chock-full of solutions – something for everyone in my hip pocket.  Not true…not even close.

I can be a pretty good listener, but I’ve learned to avoid full-on problem-solving for others, for a variety of reasons (mainly that my high empathy tempts me to take on every issue in my orbit).  In my efforts to empower and encourage a friend recently, I disappointed her instead.  She didn’t use words – it was all over her face.

My friend wanted an ‘easy button’ and I didn’t want to ‘Vicki-splain’ to her (no one needs that) 😉 and tell her why my solutions to HER problems really wouldn’t help her. Instead, I tried to convey that she should mull and reflect; certain that the right step would become obvious, apparent. 

Maybe my delivery was bad?  She took my reluctance to ‘solve the problem’ as disregard for her, which gave me heartache in the form of another sleepless night.  Sigh.

My friend is the driver. When she knows which road and destination are right for her, I’ll be right there – ready to rally with her as her co-pilot and compadre.  Not the navigator.

Thanks for reading and ‘riding along’. 😉

-Vicki ❤


12 thoughts on “Not Much of a Navigator

  1. Oh wow – this is so powerful, Vicki. As a problem solver, I tend to want to take things on too. But your beautiful point that everyone needs to drive their own bus is a spot on way to think about making sure I take the back seat. Thanks for the thought-provoking post!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s so difficult to feel we’ve disappointed someone we care about, but I’m quite sure your friend will come to realize (if she hasn’t already) what a favor you were doing her. It makes all the difference when we work things out for ourselves! 🤍

    Liked by 1 person

      1. 👍 on Vicki-splain!!!

        I also agree on the “nudge” you gave your friend, and her reaction reminded me of Guillaume Apollinaire’s:

        “Come to the edge,” he said.
        “We can’t, we’re afraid!” they responded.
        “Come to the edge,” he said.
        “We can’t, We will fall!” they responded.
        “Come to the edge,” he said.
        And so they came.
        And he pushed them.
        And they flew.”

        Liked by 2 people

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