There’s a quote from poet Pablo Neruda that speaks to me this morning:

Let us forget, with generosity, those who cannot love us.


I think I know why I ripped through my quote stash this morning…looking for those wise words.  I’d paraphrased the thought in my head but wanted to find the source. Side note: I really need to organize my inspirational tidbits – suggestions welcome – but let me provide guidelines… 

No – don’t offer a spreadsheet.  I won’t do that.  Too techy and cold.  And I don’t scrapbook.  Oh geez…I tried, once or twice and it was a colossal failure and I got kicked out of the crafty mommy clique.  I don’t generally intend to offend but the level of seriousness associated with grown-up cutting, pasting, and lauding our creations bordered on something Stepford-Wives-ish.  Sometimes it’s okay to get booted out of a group.  I never looked back, even when ‘crafty moms’ gave me holier-than-thou looks at recitals, gymnastics, etc. 

Which brings me to Pablo’s quote.  More than once my fragility got the best of me.  My invisible driving force.  You know the one – the part of our DNA that pushes us to be LIKED?  I learned – as a result of many moves as a kid – to morph and tailor my personality, as needed, to suit each new audience. New home…new school…new peeps and adults?  Survey the terrain and adapt…adopt the prevailing behaviors of the alphas, the pack leaders.

At the time?  I had no idea I was doing that – the shapeshifting, I mean.  I’d change my hairstyle, pick up whatever was trending with the social group in charge.  Not quite “Mean Girls” but I was a keen observer of what might add to the “Vicki list” of potentially ostracizing characteristics.  I was already packing a crazy mom, disabled sister, and a tendency for extreme sarcasm.  If I didn’t modify and seek to blend in, the odd girl label would stick. 

Why did I care?  I’m not sure…but I think it was this:  We never knew how long we were staying in one place, so I assume the frightened girl inside me was fervently hoping we’d anchor for a bit…in which case…putting max energy into making nice with the locals was an essential task. Crossing fingers and toes.

As an adult who’s processed most of her garbage 😊 I see the behavior and wish I’d devoted less time to pleasing, more time toward releasing.  Releasing what?  The people who were never going to care…had no capacity to like/love/admire…but I still pursued them, in order to be accepted or acknowledged. 

NOW I know.  Not everyone will like/love/admire me and it’s okay to roll on by…with more consideration for myself than others.  Many of the people who offended me did so without a shred of awareness.  It wasn’t their job to fill me up.  That was my task – to choose well.  Too much futzing and putzing to ‘make it work’?  My problem.  And I think Pablo Neruda was right.  A generous heart allows us to forget those who never mattered in the first place. 

That’s my Saturday morning pondering…thank you for reading…and oh – yes! If you have suggestions about better ways to curate and organize quotes, I’m interested.

Vicki 😊

30 thoughts on “Forget with Generosity

  1. This Neruda quote is exactly where I find myself this morning. I’ve been contemplating the people who marginalize me, and wondering how to think about them as I go forward. With generosity, obviously.

    As for organizing quotes, I keep lots of them, too. I have simple categories, then just plop the quote when I find it onto the appropriate list. Nothing alphabetized or fussy. My categories are general things like: Fun Sayings, or Smart Thoughts, or Movie/TV quotes.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I like that — I think I’ll “borrow” — having categories sure would help. Do you store your snippets in bins or boxes? And as for the letting go of those who drain us…imagine me right there with you…cheering you on. Love that you used the word ‘marginalize’ to describe the behavior. Another right-on Ally Bean thought. You ARE such a word-girl, aren’t you? Sending love, courage and good luck. xo! 😘

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wowsers, Victoria, thank you for another great post! It grabbed me right from (“Let us forget, with generosity, those who cannot love us.“ – Pablo Nerudo) and wouldn’t let me go. I think that your post with resonate with so many readers.

    It brought to mind one of the first times that the false little “i” within me spoke, and had me change my behaviour based on what it said. I was in public school, and we used to be able order books that would be delivered. For some reason, the litte “i” thought that “it” would be cool if Art ordered books about car racing and cars–all to appear more favourable to “others.”

    I’ll be looking forward to your next post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Art. While I love knowing the post resonates…that’s such a feel-good for me 😉 I’m not surprised that you’ve experienced the questioning about what was real and true for you…versus what might make you appear a certain way to others. All of your insight comes from authentic experiences and you’re generous to share them with us! So good to know we’re not alone in these head/heart/soul struggles. Sending big hugs your way! ❤

      Like

      1. You’re very welcome, Victoria. Thank you for your kind words about my posts. I feel the same about yours, and your genuine sincerity to share and be of service. Thanks for the hugs! Sending warm hugs your way, too.

        I’m so grateful to teachers such as Rupert Spira, Mooji, Eckhart Tolle, Sri Nisargatta Maharaj, and so many “others,” who help us spot the false “i” in its tracks.

        Liked by 1 person

          1. I will, Victoria, as long as you’re interested. I was first drawn to Eckhart Tolle and his book entitled “The Power of Now” a few years before he became so famous. I’m very grateful to him; but without a doubt it is Rupert Spira has had the most profound influence on the way that I now process “the world.” I’m going to attach a link to one of his YouTube presentations, in case it’s of interest. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qgcfa0LFKXc&t=486s

            Like

  3. Oh, this is a beautiful and profound post. I’m wondering if that shapeshifting phase (as you put it so well) is something we all have to go through. Just so we learn not to put on clothes that don’t fit us. Although I still do that (buy clothes that aren’t just right because I’m too impatient to find the perfect thing – but that’s another story).

    But it seems so important to learn the lesson you’ve written so beautifully here. And I love how you’ve built on Neruda’s quote – forget with generosity, fill ourselves up, choosing well. Such a wonderful message.

    I store my quotes in a spreadsheet. But I made a quote tree for a friend with quotes clipped to the branches for her 60th birthday. It might be something that will meet the Vicki eye for beauty and organization. I’ll send you a picture.

    Love that we have chosen each other – no way I’m forgetting you!! ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so impressed that you…my certified-I’ve-got-tech-skills-in-abundance friend would contemplate a spreadsheet alternative. Love the ‘quote tree’…and yes, you’ve got me! Far more ME than a spreadsheet…and yet…I’ll now worry about how to organize the quotes on the tree for aesthetic impact…in fact, maybe they won’t be quotes at all, but just pretty decorative bits of artisan paper. See how I digress? And still…you wanna be friends? 🤪
      Seriously…thanks for loving the post. A good bit of it is talking to myself but it’s so good when our thoughts and feelings bring us together. Alone is an icky place to be. Together? So much better, even if we’re a little nutty. (Speaking of myself there…) xoxoxo!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh you make me think too hard for a Saturday! I never thought about the people I don’t think about. I agree that not everybody is going to like/love/admire me but I don’t think I ever went the extra step to acknowledge it. Some I wish had a second chance at but for the most, I had too many other things to worry about than the other 8 billion people in the world who don’t care about me. Maybe I should have.

    An easy thought for Saturday is where to store everything. Mine are mostly on old fashion index cards in a metal file box like a recipe box – except for the ones that are piled on top of the box waiting to be rewritten onto old fashioned index cards.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are making me laugh out loud! “I never thought about the people I don’t think about.” When you put it THAT way, you’re right! That’s a Sat morning headache of a conundrum right there! 🤪Thanks for that, Michael, and for sharing your index card organization — that’s a great step up from what I’m doing now! Have a great day. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Given the complicated family dynamics, it’s hardly surprising that you’d engage in unintentional shapeshifting (such a great word, by the way). And so often it IS unintentional, isn’t it – for all of us?

    Love the Neruda quote! I also love how you said it’s not another person’s job to fill us up. I think that’s foundational to healing of any kind. Beautiful and transparent post, Vicki, and one that’s encouraging for all of us who need to do some letting go. 🤍

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Fascinating stuff Victoria. And something that’s been bringing me down. I’m working with an internal client in my job and it’s becoming readily apparent to me that I’ll never able to please them. But, the “I can do better” part of my brain is having problems just letting it be. It can’t stand someone not liking me. So I find myself in a classic catch-22. I’ll get there — forgetting those who cannot love me — but it will take me some time to get there. And as far saving quotes …. Having written earlier this month about losing the attribution to some writing advice I received, I know test I’m not the best to offer any guidance. Do what I do and do the opposite! Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ohhh…I feel for you with your excellent workplace example…especially tricky for those of us who can usually win people over…so hard to see it’s not you…it’s them! Thanks for sharing that. And thx for the giggle about organizing quotes — right, right! We have similar challenges! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Such an honest and vulnerable post, Victoria, that I’m sure many can relate to. It takes a long time to “grow up” and out of the need to please, fit in, and getting everyone to like you. I’m an avid quote collector. If I come across while I’m reading online, I cut and past and put it in my Evernote app. One “notebook” for Quotations and then then individual quotes get added with the theme tagged. I also use Evernote to take book notes on what I read.
    I also have a hardcover journal that I use for my most favorite quotes. I write them down, now order, using different color inks. Just to change things up.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ohhh…those are terrific suggestions, Evelyn. I like how you blend an electronic system with a journal…I’m reluctant to let go of my journals because they’re such physical keepsakes…but not very handy when you’re in search mode, LOL. I will take a peek at the Evernote app — that’s new to me and might be just what I need. And — thanks for your comment about the post and connecting about the vulnerability aspect. I appreciate that…very much. XO!

      Like

    1. You are so much fun, Mr. Fulginiti…thank you for the smiles…glad you liked the post…and I love your honesty about “short”. I know I’m not alone…sometimes I scan a post and know I need to circle back to it when I’m in a place where I can really read and think…digest…and sometimes it’s a treat to see something that’s a smaller bite. I totally get that! So, here’s a sunglasses emoji right back at ya! 😎

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Agreed on full of wisdom, personal, relatable, great quote, enjoyable to read 😀

      Neruda’s quote reminds me of the more crass… “some people don’t mind, and some don’t matter” 🙂

      As for organization: I lump all of mine in one huge document, and when I go back to look through it, I constantly discover “brand new” quotes … to me, all over again 🙂 I’m going with the “joy of discovery” over organization 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I love that — “some people don’t mind, and some don’t matter” — straight to the point! And I can relate — organizing in one large document and enjoying the rediscovery of some gems! Thanks for that! 😉😘😉

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.