Both of my parents possessed a wicked sense of humor. Thank goodness for that. However, the close alignment between comedy and tragedy was never lost on me.
Momās humor was often a harbinger of chaos to come. Laugh? Cry? Sometimes I didnāt know which to do first and I wasnāt alone. When my dad was alive, he could help Sue lean into āthe funny honeyā but it became more and more challenging as the years passed.
In āSurviving Sueā I struggled to pare down the list of crazy episodes with mom because the menu of options was quite extensive. In the end, I picked a few anecdotes which best characterized Sueās outrageous behavior and capacity for drawing empathy from others.
My sweet sister, Lisa, was careful in order to avoid momās wrath, especially if she took a risk to disclose secrets after our father passed away. Lisa had a lot of alone time with Sue. On page 153:
āLisa gave me hushed glimpses of Sueās ārulesā, but she knew she was being a risk taker in doing so. Every Lisa confessional, at least while Sue was alive, would begin with, āVicki ā donāt tell mom, but did you knowā¦ā. Mostly the disclosures were harmless and often fantastically funnyā¦….ā
In āSurviving Sueā I share some of these episodes which I titled āSue or Lucyā ā because of the parallels between Sueās wild behavior and the antics of Lucille Ball.
Dad always said Sue had nine livesā¦and he was right. Luckily no one was seriously injured as a result of the āSue or Lucyā antics, but damage to property, relationshipsā¦her reputation? Oh gosh, yes. Damage was done, and as the episodes became more egregious, more indicative of her advancing dementia and mental illness, the public displays of Sueās inner turmoil helped to accurately diagnose her struggles.
A recent reader of āSurviving Sueā remarked that the story of my momās life is funnier than she expected it to be. Mmm…I said. I can see that. With a title like āSurviving Sueā some readers might feel they need to batten down their hatches as they dig in. Yes, there are dark moments, but the entirety of my momās life is faceted, dimensional. So many shades of darkness and light that the label āvillainessā ā despite her unseemly behavior ā doesnāt capture the complexity of who Sue was.
Thank you for your interest in the book and for the questions about where to post comments, reviews. Iāve added a new page on Victoria Ponders, all about āSurviving Sueā just for the purpose. Thank you in advance for sharing your comments, reviews and input.
Vicki š
āSurviving Sueā Available from Eckhartz Press.
Learn more about the book in the Heart of the Matter podcast.
Photo of Lucille Ball playing Lucy Ricardo in 1952; courtesy of CBS Photo Archive/Getty Images. The other image of my mom, Sue, was taken around 1960.
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