Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
-Viktor Frankl
When people ask me – especially after reading “Surviving Sue” – about my self-preservation secrets and tips for resiliency, I smile. I have no secrets. Just lived experience pointing me toward goodness, despite the chaos that defined parts of my life.
One of the greatest compliments I ever received came in the form of a comparison, a mention that my disposition is much like my father’s. I can rewind the scene in my head as I heard those words – delivered with love from my cousin who was nearing the end of his life. Intent on bestowing a gift, one of our final conversations included his insights about my strengths and their origins. “You are your father’s daughter. Never forget.”
My papa had a predisposition for restraint, but practice was required. When I wrote “Quiet, Please” last week for Heart of the Matter (about waiting three beats before responding to improve our listening and communication skills) it triggered a long-forgotten memory about my dad and his own “trio” tricks. Dad called it his “3C” rule: Cool, Calm, Collected, learned from one of his mentors who taught him how to hold his position during intense mediation sessions in his professional life. I learned his “3C” trick when I spied him deploying it on the home front, too.
If I close my eyes, I can almost hear my dad whisper “3C” under his breath. A device and a technique he used to summon courage (ah…another “C”) when he needed strength. Part mantra, part prayer and part plea to the Universe, I recognized it as his way of pausing before reacting. And sometimes he wouldn’t outwardly react at all. Brilliant, especially when my mother was wildly motivated to bait and provoke.
In my Heart of the Matter post today, I return to Brené Brown’s “Atlas of the Heart”, seeking a treasured quote about the power of connection. While I was there, I stumbled over another favorite, Brown’s definition of calm:
“I define calm as creating perspective and mindfulness while managing emotional reactivity.”
-Brown, Atlas of the Heart, p. 208
Moderating my reactivity is a lesson I learned from my dad’s “3C’s” technique and boosted by the wisdom of both Viktor Frankl and Brené Brown. Three wise ones whose words continue to make a difference in my life.
Smiles to you,
-Vicki 😊
Learn more about my book, “Surviving Sue” here or on Amazon. Thank you for reading and sharing your comments.
Victoria Ponders 
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