I love, love, love it when a former student stays in touch.
In most situations the reason is related to providing a reference or a letter of recommendation – for grad school or for a job opportunity. I don’t care about the ‘why’. It’s a privilege to be thought of, sometimes five or ten years after our time together as teacher-student or counselor-student.
Working in higher education was the delight of a lifetime when I think about the encounters with brave students – often those who didn’t yet know their potential. Being on their path, being privileged to be part of their ‘cheer team’? Other than my deep affection for my friends and family, there’s been no greater joy in my life.
A few months ago, I wrote about another student in this post: You’re No Keanu! – Victoria Ponders and you might enjoy that detour. Go ahead. I’ll wait for you here if you want to peek.
What’s new in the “who did I hear from now?” category? Right-o…let me get to that.
Let’s call my dear one “Lizette”. No, not her real name. Yes, she knows I’m sharing about our recent interaction. Yes, I’ve changed a couple of minor details to protect her privacy. She thought about that a little and almost directed me to use her real name, thinking that my writing about her in my little blog might bring her fame and fortune. I laughed about that and she decided an alias was better. I assured her – no celebrity status will come from being featured in Vicki’s blog…but as she continues to ascend in her career…who knows?
Lizette emailed me and then we had a long Zoom meeting as she explained her outreach – hoping I’d write a scholarship ‘character reference’ letter for her. I can only think of one instance where I declined such a request and it was because the student didn’t have time to chat with me, which I feel is essential in order to write a compelling letter.
Often a former student’s outreach will begin with, “do you remember me?” and I’ll be honest. Sometimes it takes me a minute. But in Lizette’s case, the size of the gap will never matter. She made an imprint on my heart and she’ll stay there forever. A little bit of her backstory will help you understand and it’s Lizette approved – although she hates the praise – my reference to her as a “humble powerhouse“. But it’s my blog and I’m sticking with it. 😉
Lizette is a humble powerhouse. She was a student in my transition course for at-risk, first-generation students. Neither of her parents had the opportunity to attend college and she’s been estranged from her brothers – one who left the house when he was fourteen years old and never returned – and one who will sit in prison for many years to come. Over time, her parents found ways to forgive their incarcerated son for his transgressions, but Lizette will forever be wary, in part because of the trauma she experienced witnessing illegal activities when she was too young to understand. And her other brother? She hopes he’s alive. She hopes to see him again one day.
As we caught up, she told me she’s well – busy with a full-time job, full-time school and caregiving for her parents. Despite the intensity, she used the word “thriving” to describe her life.
I always ask about wellness and self-care, and she had plenty to say on the topic. She’s an endurance athlete and very nutrition-focused…promising to send me a few recipes for high protein, low carb muffins. Yum. And yay!
Lizette shared she’s incorporated my advice about the power of self-talk and affirmations into her daily routine. Hmm…I thought. Yep – that sounds like me, but it’s also good advice, generally. So much so that I melded strategies into every class session because building bench strength – from the inside out is a habit I believe in.
Lizette continued and said she’s come up with her own tricks to simplify and “keep her cool” under stress. I smiled. Good, good. That’s the way. Find what works and adapt, meld, incorporate strategies that feel like second nature.
In Lizette’s case, she said she’s got a 4-point routine that she weaves into meditative moments, as needed. Her twist on a “loving kindness” practice. With her blessing, here they are…and spoiler alert. She IS a powerhouse. I love these. I think you will, too:
Lizette’s 4-Steps:
- Remember: Some people enjoy being miserable
- Even though some of us are “fixers” I can step away
- I can care about someone – from a safe distance
- Taking care of myself means I need to remember 1, 2 and 3
Isn’t she brilliant? And – as I mentioned, humble. When I praised her for her fabulous “four step” she laughed and said:
“Yeah, and sometimes I need to hop into my escape hatch – any bathroom stall – will work. If anyone ever sees me disappear when my buttons are being pushed, I dive into the toilet. Literally – my escape hatch. Don’t you remember you told us it was okay – take a lap, find your outlet…or toilet…to catch your breath?!”
She’s not wrong. That’s quintessential Vicki advice. When the going gets tough, detour to a bathroom stall. Maybe a little earthy, but once you’re there – or in a closet – your car – any private space you can wrangle – it might be just enough of an escape hatch to invoke a moment of self-care.
Thanks so much for letting me share some of Lizette’s brilliance with you – with love…from both of us.
Vicki 🥰
P.S. If you haven’t visited this beautiful blog The People We Meet by Chance or Choice – Life with Alegria you should! A wonderful source of inspiration about the power of connection. You’ll love it.
Victoria Ponders 
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