A reader of “Surviving Sue” asked recently about my sister Lisa’s awareness of the book, my blogging about her and our life with Sue. Such a good question...
Given Lisa’s intellectual and developmental disabilities, I’ve never said, “I wrote a book about mom” because I knew it would stir residual emotional trauma for her. But writing about Lisa’s adventures and sharing with friends – including you, dear reader? All good.
I always ask Lisa if can share photos and stories about her and although some of the details about writing/blogging elude her, she loves knowing that she has a bit of a fan club. Unseen cheerleaders who enjoy knowing about her life. When readers offer sweet comments, I share with Lisa and pass along greetings and kindnesses. Lisa loves knowing she’s thought of. Remembered.
The best thing about Lisa’s life today is that she’s safe. While the ghosts of Sue’s bad behavior still linger, I remain protective of Lisa and her overall health. Thanks to the wonderful support she receives…we receive…as a family, Lisa is healthier, more socially assured and functional than ever.
When we talk about our mom, Sue, we do so in light terms, recalling the fun times and the positive memories. They’re there, tucked in Lisa’s heart and mine. Whenever thunder clouds of emotion surface for Lisa, we detour. What helps? Leaning into moments of joy, like recalling Lisa’s super skills with bowling balls and bocce balls.
This past weekend Lisa participated in a special recreation bowling outing and even though her bowling adventures with our parents occurred decades ago, I know our dad (Sonny) was smiling down as he watched Lisa’s excellent technique and follow-through. (See below.)
My sweet sister knows how to throw a ball and knock down pins…despite her mobility and vision issues. Just like our proud papa always said: Lisa’s got game.
I included the photo below in “Surviving Sue“. One of Lisa’s proudest moments EVER as a Special Olympics Champion in bocce ball, thanks to our dad’s coaching and encouragement. On her better days, Sue was a great encourager, too.
What delighted me the most in our latest outing with Lisa was her storytelling mastery, recalling our dad’s love of pizza after attending or participating in any sporting event. It didn’t matter what it was: going to a baseball game, playing a round of golf, or – back in his heyday – having fun with slow pitch softball. Pizza as the post-game celebration was non-negotiable. Pizza and a bucket of ice-cold Pepsi, to be more specific.
I’d forgotten entirely about Lisa’s favorite giggle-worthy story involving one of Sonny’s softball games. The one where two-year old me got hit by a wayward pitch while in a stroller. The story was told and retold endlessssssssssly when we were little. Sue loved it because she said it explained why I was so ‘difficult’ later in life:
“Little Vicki, you know, she got hit by a fast pitch when Sonny played softball. Bonked her on her head, but good. Explains a lot, ya know?”
Sue would smile and plant a Sue-version of a ‘noogie‘ on the top of my head and I’d play along, watching Lisa giggle at Sue’s performance. I learned that most families have a goofball story or two about accidentally dropping a baby or a whoops moment when a toddler took a fall, but I hated the retelling of the softball story because Sue was usually drunk when she told it. Less funny. More grimace-worthy.
But Lisa? Ah…she gets grace. She remembered our dad’s love of pizza, and sports of all sorts while we enjoyed some Chicago deep dish, Lou Malnati’s-style after she bowled. Lisa had the floor, and it was a good, good day. Even when she told the ‘stroller story’ one more time.
Thanks so much for reading and coming along. Lisa says hi!
Vicki 🥰
P.S. Here are two favorite posts about Lisa and my all-time fave about our dad, Sonny:
Loving Lisa: “They’re All Together Now” – Victoria Ponders
https://victoriaponders.com/2023/09/03/super-lisa
White Shirt, Helping Heart – Victoria Ponders
Check out this link to learn more about my book, “Surviving Sue”.
Victoria Ponders 
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