I’m not sure I’ll find the right words to share what’s in my heart today, but I’ve put my fingers on the keyboard, so let’s find out.
I found myself crying in the car the other day. Not from grief or sadness but the overwhelm that comes when joy invades. Straight to the heart. Reminding me that despite the pain my sweet sister Lisa’s endured in life, she is in full flower in her sixth and most significant decade. I’ll explain…
Lisa took the spotlight last week at her workshop for intellectually and physically disabled adults. Ever innovating, the team which surrounds her with care and positivity offered Lisa an opportunity to be hired on as a regular employee – as a lunch time receptionist in the administrative office. I wrote about this recently in a post you might remember: Loving Lisa: “I’m Like the Others”. Here’s a snippet:
Lisa’s made mistakes (in her new job) and plenty of them. But rather than crumble, she’s remained resilient. Telling me of her gaffes and goofs but every single time, she’s followed her disclosures with a gratitude statement, along these lines:
“Even though I made mistakes, they really like me. They told me it’s okay. I’m learning and I’m doing great.”
Which of course makes me smile, smile, smile. Especially Lisa’s emphasis on “they really like me”. Lisa’s thriving in an environment where inclusivity isn’t just a buzz word. It’s her reality.
I try to hide my rush of emotion, the catch in my voice when Lisa adds, in a whisper:
“I feel like I belong. I’m like the others.”
Last week, because of the progress Lisa’s made as a member of the front desk team, she was invited to speak at a gathering of stakeholders at the monthly Board of Directors meeting. I was asked to attend as well, to support Lisa and add the perspective from a family member…about the benefits of inclusion for Lisa:
The power of purpose. Reveling in the spotlight because others see her potential AND were willing walk with her, over the inevitable bumps.
To be sure, the bumps and hurdles are still there, but the praise is apparent, too. After Lisa’s visit with the Board, we met with other staff members who provided encouragement about Lisa’s progress. My cheeks still hurt from all the smiles and hugs. Oh, so many hugs.
To a person, Lisa’s team of colleagues provided encouragement about her growth:
“You transferred a call to me the other day and I got it! Go, Lisa!” (This from a senior executive who’s experienced multiple ‘oops’ calls – dropped in transfer as Lisa’s learned how to manage the console phone at the reception desk.)
“Lisa is so kind to visitors when they come in. She gives out applications, answers questions, and always knows who to find when she needs more help.“
Lisa’s reply to that feedback made us swoon:
“I can see when someone’s nervous. I tell them to sit down – in the comfy blue chairs and I smile real big. I can tell the difference between people who come in for applications or interviews. The interview people need bigger smiles.”
I am a proud sister. It was a banner week for Lisa, and I wondered how long it would be before she’d become sentimental, reflective. Remembering the support from our parents and the times when she was in the Special Olympics spotlight or attended fundraising events with our folks, Sue and Sonny.
The moment came. I didn’t know what scene from her highlight reel would surface, but the one that arrived didn’t disappoint. Feeling reflective after all the attention and upswell of good will, Lisa said – as soon as we were alone:
“Vicki, do you remember that time Dad took us to the golf tournament with him and we rode along in the cart?”
I remembered. It was a big deal. Sonny had connections and got us on the golf course at Pebble Beach when he was there for a Pro-Am tournament in the mid-80’s. I don’t know how he did it, but he knew Lisa and I would love the scenery. I’m sure it was a big no-no – then and now – but Sonny had a way of wrangling things to his advantage, especially for Lisa.
“Sure – I remember. What about it?” I asked.
“There was a nasty man there who yelled at dad and used… the bad word.”
Lisa was right. An aggressive golf ranger stopped us and said some disparaging things about girls on a golf course and used the “R” word to describe Lisa. Right in front of our faces.
I thought Sonny was going to deck the dude with his fist, but he knew better. His simple reply – one that Lisa remembers, and I do, too…tattooed on my soul…was this:
“Apologize to my girls. Both of them and we’ll be on our way.”
The man stuttered and fussed with his badges and credentials, waving his clipboard at our dad but Sonny didn’t move. Finally, the pompous man said he was sorry in a sassy, insincere tone (when he saw Sonny taking note of his name badge) and we drove on – back to the clubhouse.
Lisa’s remembrance?
“Dad would be so proud of me today. We don’t use THAT word anymore and I get to work with people who give me chances, even if I am different. We all are.”
I held it together until later when I had a moment alone, in the car. I’m not sure I can describe the wave of gratitude and love that I felt. It enveloped me from top to bottom. Across so many decades I’ve witnessed Lisa’s growth but the recent, exponential gains she’s made in awareness and articulateness blow me away.
I took my time, driving to a nearby park where I sat for a few minutes, staring at the autumn colors and the movement of clouds in the sky. Thanking my dad – and even our mom, Sue, for their lived examples of championing the rights of the intellectually and physically disabled. Their gifts reside within Lisa and give her courage. Me, too. Even now. 💝
In case you missed it, please take a look at this post which provides a glorious overview of our mom, Sue’s advocacy for disabled persons – despite her own monumental challenges: Peek Inside: “Surviving Sue” – Sue’s Big Heart – Victoria Ponders.
And take a minute, please, to read my friend Vickie Rubin’s recent post about the recent use of the “R” word…horrifying and maddening.
Last? If you haven’t read “Surviving Sue”, I’d love for you to do so. It’s available in paperback from my publisher, Eckhartz Press and the eBook is available on Amazon.
Vicki 💝
Victoria Ponders 
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