You might think this is going to be a post about relationships, but it’s not.
Well, at least not in the conventional sense – meaning one’s relationships with others. I’m thinking about numero uno. Our relationships with ourselves. I don’t know about you, but I need a healthy nudge every now and then. A kick in the pants to consider how I’m treating myself. With kindness? Disregard? Pushing too hard? Not enough? Holding myself to standards higher than what I expect from others? Yes to all of these. You, too, perhaps?
The art of picking and choosing is developed over time. What hill do I want to climb? What tasks might I sideline in order to feel productive in other areas? Where’s the payoff – the endorphin-boosting rush of completion? Satisfaction. I’m often chasing the finish line for some sort of prize. Not literally, mind you. But those darn figurative, self-aggrandizing accolades that come from productivity. Knowing I did my absolute best each day.
I’ve been feeling all of that recently and as soon as I slowed down, two reminders came rushing in. As if they’d been waiting to ambush me with insight. Here’s what I mean.
When to Detach…
I did the scariest thing EVER and gave my latest writing project to beta readers a few weeks ago and I’ve now received generous, thoughtful input.
Color me grateful.
But as I dove into their feedback, I felt my pulse quickening. After several weeks of handing off my baby to others, I was eager to reconnect. Dig in. But I didn’t. I sat with the input for a few days before touching the chunky manuscript (yep – all 300 pages). I lovingly handled it as if it was a living being. Seeing it as an extension of self. Placing what looked like a ream’s worth of paper on my desk, I topped ‘the stack’ with my favorite paperweight for safekeeping and gave it a hearty ‘pat pat’ for good measure.
I see you, but I’m not ready for you yet.
I needed time. Despite the “NaNoWriMo” editing goals I’ve set for myself, I wasn’t in the right head space to crawl back in. I knew the manuscript would wait for me but what I really required time and trust. Remembering that detaching can be a therapeutic, useful move. Giving space and breathing room – applicable to many of life’s conundrums. And you know what? When I dove back in, I fell in love with the story all over again – with better energy and enthusiasm. Thanks to that little lesson, one I learned when I wrote “Surviving Sue“. Learning to detach. Air things out.
When to Lean in…
Do you belong to a writer’s group or circle? Ever participated in one, whether online, like NaNoWriMo – or in person? I’ve never been very social about sharing ‘works in progress’, but I pushed myself last week to do something I’ve been curious about. (Yup. The leaning in.)
I inquired recently about membership in a well-regarded local writers’ group. I reached out to a friend of a friend…checked out the group’s website. Sent an email. And I waited. In the interim, all the worthiness boogers surfaced. Self-doubt and a side order of chastising.
Vicki…you do not have time for one more thing.
The writers’ group in question? They meet in a charming home that’s just blocks away from the high school I barely graduated from. Two blocks in the other direction? The venue where the book launch for “Surviving Sue” was held last year. Sweet little structures converted from historic homes into gathering spaces for local civic and philanthropic groups.
Invited to participate as a guest last week, I self-talked my way there and when I saw – really saw the location – I smiled. The meeting place was just a block away from the diner I worked at (briefly) while I was in high school. I’m amazed the old girl is still there…all these years later…but I know why. She oozes vintage vibes, a throwback to simpler times. Small, cute and cozy.
I circled the block, looking for a parking spot and found one a couple of streets away. I didn’t mind. Walking along the damp, leaf-strewn sidewalk, I embraced the autumn nip in the air and a trickle of not-quite rain on my cheeks.
I think…I remember this street…as if the pavement was tickling my toes with echoes from the past. This patch of concrete. I walked it decades ago when I hustled to get to the diner or rushed when I was late for class. Scurrying and slipping on the collage of November leaves.
This time I carried a book bag of another sort – not my high school backpack but a tote with author’s tools. Three books that I’m reading at once, a tablet, my post-its, two journals and my assortment of pens. Same me, different accoutrements. No Twix bars or Mountain Dew. Grown up me carries protein bars, nuts and water.
I smiled, musing about the woman I am today. A person I could never have imagined when I walked the same sidewalk as a teenager. I savor the mist and the moment; the power of slowing my steps as I travel through time.
I wondered if a remnant of “Vicki Then” might be nearby. I wondered if she would be proud of “Vicki Now”. In awe of the perseverance and resolve it’s taken to live, love and achieve.
Taking stock… as I walk… I think:
I am a proud mama of a talented, whole-hearted daughter.
I am a partner to a dear man who said recently, acknowledging the forty-fifth anniversary of our first date: “Look at us, living our best lives.”
I am my sister’s best friend and confidante. She gives me purpose – seeing the world through her eyes. Love and respect are a winning combination.
I am fortunate to claim many friends-as-family. Both in person and virtually.
“Vicki Then” would be amazed. Her circle was small and safety-focused in a life that was a contentious obstacle course; hurdles both visible and not thanks to a chaotic life with mom (Sue).
My eyes glistened as I walked into the writers’ group…feeling love and gratitude in my mitochondria…along with a palpable awareness that time is fleet footed. All in my two-block walk.
Be brave, Vicki, even when you’re not sure. Be you.
And you might be wondering about the meeting with the writers’ workshop – how did it go? Oh my. It was delightful. I don’t know if I’ll be asked to join, but participating and listening to writers read their own words put buoyancy in my heart for days after. What a privilege. I’ll have more to say about that another time. For today? Thank you for coming along. I appreciate you.
Vicki 💝
Red Pen Magic – Victoria Ponders
Peek Inside: “Surviving Sue” – Launch Party – Victoria Ponders
Hi – I’m Victoria, Vicki, Dr. Vicki. I hold a doctorate in Adult Education and I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), and author of Surviving Sue | Eckhartz Press.
Check out this link to learn more about my book “Surviving Sue” – all about resilience and love.
Victoria Ponders 
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