Three simple words of advice. Straightforward and mantra-like across many decades, thanks to my dear friend and mentor, Dr. John Muchmore:
“Authenticity is everything…”
Today I ‘m resharing a post I wrote about John in November 2023 – in tribute (see below). The lifeforce that was John Muchmore passed away last week. He was beloved by untold numbers of students and colleagues…the finest of fine humans and I’m still stunned by the loss.
John read every single one of my blog posts – enamored by anything I’d write about helping others. John also loved the stories I’ve told about my author’s journey, the poignancy and challenges of writing about my mom Sue.
Those fortunate enough to be mentored by John reveled in his attention because it always came from depth, demonstrating to others that they were seen. Heard. Worthy.
Without question, my life has been richer because of Dr. John Muchmore. 💔
Thank You to John – November 13, 2023
I’d like to introduce you to someone special. Someone I adore. Professor John Muchmore, now retired, was a dear college faculty member and mentor and he helped me find my voice…the one that was often squelched by my mom, Sue. He was a speech and theatre teacher…but to me, he was a maestro and a magician, relentless with his inspiring and encouraging words:
“Authenticity is everything when you take the podium. Never be afraid to take up space and be seen. You dare not be demur.”
“I see more in you…try again.”
Decades later, Professor John was one of the first people to reach out with cheers and hurrahs about my book, “Surviving Sue”. Buying a copy, painstakingly reading and periodically checking in with me.
Despite the heaviness of life with Sue, there were angels in my orbit and Professor John is a stellar example. I wonder how I might’ve fared if not for empowering faculty members who recognized my potential (and I suspect, sometimes my frailty) and goosed me forward, just the same.
I wrote about some of those angels in “Surviving Sue”, recognizing my good fortune and the power of formative input, guiding me toward talents and potential I didn’t think I had. I was seen, loved, valued…oh-so valued…by adults who had the power to fill in the gaps in my shaky confidence. With his permission, I’m sharing two early notes of encouragement from John about “Surviving Sue”.
Hi Dr. Vicki- just wanted to say that the book is excellent. I don’t read as fast as used to – that said, I’m halfway through, and I’m not stopping. You’ve already taken me through a range of emotions. I found Michael’s story particularly fascinating, a mix of joy and sadness.
Hi again, Vicki – I have become a very slow reader as the years pass, but I want you to know that I have valued every word of Surviving Sue. I am still not certain as to what adjective I should use, but “valued” worked for me. I was originally going to say it’s a wonderful read, but at times it is an incredibly difficult read, but even when you are recounting the many difficult challenges you faced, I am learning. Good job!! Congratulations on the many positive comments the book is receiving! They are much deserved.
Wow….and wow. Full circle moments in my life to hear from Professor John and revel in his readership.
All of which made me melancholy, remembering how I met John when I was a shaky college student. Torn between fleeing my complicated home life and staying put in order to take care of Lisa, I was a bundle of conflict. I was also an actress. Very few people who knew me as a first-year college student suspected a thing. I could drive myself to campus and morph into a semi-predictable stable person as I cloaked the trauma and the daily tirades with mom, Sue.
John poked through my practiced veneer and it’s a bit of a miracle that we met. I decided to go to the college closest to home because there was an innovative program there for intellectually disabled adults, like my sister, Lisa. Before I set foot on the college grounds, I was Lisa’s driver while I was still in high school, chauffeuring her to and from a vocational program in the college bakery. Prior to that, Lisa worked at a McDonald’s – her dream job until she was let go. Oh…it’s a bit of a detour in the story, but I should tell you how that unfolded because if Lisa had stayed at McDonald’s I might never have met Professor John. I’ll explain…
Lisa didn’t actually work much at McDonald’s, but she loved it! Management had the decency to be kind to Lisa in the termination process – never using the word “fired”. Instead, they let her believe that they just didn’t have enough business to support the extra hands cleaning up in the dining room area, emptying trash. The truth? Lisa spent most of her time grinning – mesmerized as she watched the kids in the play zone, perhaps secretly wanting to join in. Rarely did she clean and clear tables.
Other employees were kind and aware of Lisa’s limitations and they’d cover for her but after the trial run ended and the commitment to Lisa’s workshop lapsed, there was no negotiating. Her job coach was there when the news was delivered and the hard blow was softened when Lisa heard that a COLLEGE – the one near our home – was looking for a bakery apprentice. Whooo-hooo! In Lisa’s mind, it was all good news. As if she’d been promoted….so we kept the illusion alive.
But there was no bus service for Lisa…and this was a problem. I was a junior in high school at the time and the pressure I felt to make college decisions was mounting. Sue was a terror and given her decline into day drinking there was little chance that she’d be able to pick Lisa up every afternoon at 1:30 pm. For the most part Sue managed the early morning drop-offs, but I was always prepared to leave early to take Lisa to work before I went to school.
I sweet talked my high school counselor into placing me in the business education track, mainly populated by kids who were unlikely to go to college. The carrot? If I promised to get a retail job in order to qualify for the program, I would be released from school every day at 12:30 so I could scoop up Lisa and get to my part-time job.
I didn’t know it at the time, but my gig working at a camera store was fortuitous because I met hubster Paul through a mutual friend…who also worked at the store. That was 40+ years ago and I love the fate/destiny/randomness of life. Making those decisions so I could be Lisa’s driver opened up the portal that resulted in meeting Paul, followed by a series of magnificent mentoring opportunities – including meeting Professor John. Yep. At the same college where Lisa worked at as a bakery aide.
Even now, John is humble beyond measure. His support and encouragement? HE says he was just being himself. Nothing heroic, in his mind. Just teaching well and teasing out potential. But for one anxiety-ridden girl in caretaking overload, being cared for? Every morsel of encouragement he offered was emblazoned on my soul, like a confidence-building fuel injection system.
Professor Muchmore…Dr. John: Thank you for being you. You were one of the blessed, stalwart angels on my path, prompting me forward, seeing goodness in me when others – even some closest to me – only saw flaws. Staying in touch with you now and counting you among my treasured readers is hard to fathom. Saying I’m grateful seems so insufficient. But I am.
Love and hugs to Dr. John and all the mentors everywhere. Those small moments and encouraging words. They matter.
Vicki 💝
Hi – I’m Victoria, Vicki, Dr. Vicki. I hold a doctorate in Adult Education and I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), and author of Surviving Sue | Eckhartz Press.
Check out this link to learn more about my book “Surviving Sue” – all about resilience and love.
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Victoria Ponders 
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