I did it again. That thing I do when someone is kind and unexpectedly compliments me. It doesn’t matter if it’s about something innocuous or deeply personal, if I’m caught off guard I might babble. A lot.
I wonder if the dear lady who simply wanted to express her admiration for my skirt understood. I hoped she had experience.
You know…being around…the tightly wound.
Maybe she disregarded the ramble and that’s what I detected in her smile? A knowing nod of kindness as I used far too many words when two would’ve done the trick. Thank you. That’s all…just thank you.
Me and my motor mouth. We go everywhere together.
For loads of reasons, I’ve come to terms with over the years, I tend to navigate without the expectation of praise. Don’t get me wrong – I’m capable of embracing it when it comes – but in those unguarded moments, my first reaction is often one drawn from years of apprehension where my mom, Sue, was concerned. The times when I was vulnerable and permeable – even if my outward demeanor provided cloak and cover and conveyed confidence.
I learned all about the woes of ‘external validation’ in my own therapeutic journey. Caution, caution. Should you become dependent upon the recognition of others you will do so at your own peril. Filling that well is an unsustainable act and I know it – forcing me to recalibrate from time to time to find the fulcrum. The balancing point where I can – at the very least – accept unsolicited praise and not sound like a dufus, a young fawn finding her legs with my response.
My antidote? Once the ramble’s passed, if it’s appropriate, I’ll own my anxiety-driven mess. Apologize for using far too many words; hopefully with enough sincerity that my heart shines through. In return? I often receive the knowing smile – reminding me that I’m not alone.
It’s the punctuating smile (or smirk – I’ll take either) that sees me through. Cracking myself up just a bit because I find sharing my foibles is a perfect ‘meet in the middle’ moment. Such was the case in this most recent encounter about a silly skirt. I made a new friend, and I learned she struggles with those two words, too. And to you, dear reader? You knew this was coming, didn’t you? Thank YOU…for reading.
-Vicki 😊
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Hi – I’m Victoria, Vicki, Dr. Vicki. I hold a doctorate in Adult Education and I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), and author of Surviving Sue | Eckhartz Press.
Check out this link to learn more about my book “Surviving Sue” – all about resilience and love.
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Victoria Ponders 
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