Goodness and gratitude came in a three-day wave this week – a reminder of how impactful feedback and acknowledgement can be as grist for the creativity mill.
First up? A fantastic follow-up chat with a former student, “Karly” (not her real name) who reached out to share she’d read my post, “Sue Had Rizz” and from it, she gained clarity about her own mother’s use of humor and social niceties as camouflage. If you missed that post, take a look. My mom, Sue was a compelling character – flamboyant with the capacity for tenderheartedness, if the spirit moved her.
One of the things I loved about Karly’s insights was the connecting thread she saw between Sue, her own mother and…wait for it…an Oscar Wilde quote. Are you feeling the improbable nature of all of this? I was…but here’s the quote. One you might be familiar with, but Karly helped me see it anew, with a filter of “Sue”:
“It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.”
-Oscar Wilde, Lord Darlington, “Lady Windermere’s Fan”, 1892
Oof! Yep. I see it – thanks to Karly. Love ’em or hate ’em personalities – her mom and my own. I wondered if Sue had ever run across the quote, given her propensity to view others as friend or foe. Charming or tedious. It was one of Sue’s well-used defense mechanisms. Even if you were on Sue’s good side, where life could be blissful and sunny, clouds were always nearby. Ready to coalesce in anger to summon thunder. Dramatically. Swiftly.
Karly shared chaotic anecdotes from her family’s holiday time in December and the ruckus her mom stirred. She wondered how much apologizing she should do to make amends, smooth the fraught edges. You can guess how I responded to her query. Karly already knew the right answer…
What came next? Number Two in my smile-worthy roundup? Well…I’m still grinning about this one. A beautiful, soulful review from Yvette Prior, Ph.D., about “Surviving Sue”.
Readers who appreciate the stories about my Uncle Gus, a Vietnam Veteran who died not long after my father, will probably understand why Dr. Prior’s call-out about him – standing by me when I needed help with Sue – sent me floating.
Oh – and for the record, I’m still smiling about Dr. Prior’s pick-up about Sue’s love of Walmart. Read on!
Surviving Sue by Atkinson (2023) reminds readers that family dynamics are never perfect. The author lets us journey with her as she strategizes and does her best to stay healthy while also involved, reflects for understanding, and models resiliency for healing rather than walking away from a mother with mental illness and a lifelong responsibility to Lisa, a developmentally disabled sister.
Atkinson’s engaging writing allows readers to feel settings and recognize everyday details, such as “Uncle Gus and Sue were quiet for a while as I washed the towering pile of plates and silverware. Their silence felt like needles, prickly and uncomfortable; I didn’t know if I should stay or go and finally Sue broke the tension as she stood to grab the Kleenex box from the counter, giving me a scowl” (Kindle edition, p. 136). Personal takeaways for me included details that provide culturally rich insights. For example, in describing Uncle Gus, she writes, “Whether it was Agent Orange, years of smoking and drinking, or just his fate; he had at best a couple of months to live” (Kindle edition, p. 136). This moment highlights the hidden legacies of service-related chemical exposure and ripple effects on families.
The specificity of Atkinson’s observations also stayed with me and the last few times I was in a Walmart, I smiled when I saw the seasonal clothes on display. I was right back there in this book, remembering how Atkinson shared details like this: “Sue and Lisa both had too much stuff, thanks to their frequent trips to Walmart where they picked up unnecessary floral tops and sweaters for Lisa. For years, Sue insisted on dressing Lisa in pastel florals and graphic sweatshirts that were country cute with calico appliques. As a result, Lisa had three closets jammed with a kaleidoscope of clothes in a vast range of sizes” (p. 220) (Kindle edition, p. 220).
I highly recommend this book because the memoir warms the heart while offering insight (and advice for those who need it) into social interactions and responses. Atkinson’s lived examples model thoughtful strategizing and problem solving rather than retreating into protective distance. There is also a warm peaceful vibe that permeates the pages and it reminded me about the power of memoir and how our shared stories unite and enrich.
Number Three – last but certainly not least? This week I received a beautiful endorsement as a future speaker for a local group. The accolade stopped me in my tracks when I read what my friend and “Surviving Sue” supporter and champion, Linda Kolbusz wrote:
As an author, counselor, speaker, educator and wonderful human being, Dr. Atkinson connects with everyone she encounters. I have attended many of her presentations, and heard her relate to various groups about different aspects of her life through discussion of the many different facets & challenges with her mom depicted in her memoir. She always connects with everyone at their level of readiness.
I think the standout sentence for me was the last one, “She always connects with everyone at their level of readiness.” Wow…and wow. I don’t think I’ve ever expressed my goals and intentions so succinctly.
As much as this feels like a self-aggrandizing post, I couldn’t stop myself from sharing. In each of these encounters, I made sure those who brought the sunshine into my day understood the mattering aspect. Input, recognition…and yep. Occasionally an accolade or two…or three…making me feel lifted and loved. Inspired, even.
Thank you to each of you who offer yourselves in your written work, your poems and stories and blog posts and beautiful books. I’m amazed to be surrounded by talented humans here on WordPress and I’m grateful to be in your good company.
Vicki 💝
Hi – I’m Victoria, Vicki, Dr. Vicki. I hold a doctorate in Adult Education and I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), and author of Surviving Sue | Eckhartz Press
Check out this link to learn more about my book “Surviving Sue” – all about resilience and love.
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Victoria Ponders 
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