Victoria Ponders

My sweet sister, Lisa, is a long-time dog lover. Growing up, we had a variety of pups–mostly beagles with fun names: Mitten, Scotty, Ginger, Phaedra. After Paul and I were married, we added Pearl and then Sadie to the roster.

These days the only pupster in the clan is more of a horse, truth be told. Let me introduce you to Ryder–the playful 6-month-old who weighs in at a hefty forty pounds:

Daughter Delaney and her fiancé, Cole, are Ryder’s proud parents and we’re learning how to love a BIG dog. One adventure at a time.

Over Labor Day weekend, Ryder came for a visit, and I swear in the week or so since we’d last seen him, he grew a foot and gained ten pounds. This boy is solid.

In their first introduction a few months back, Lisa sat on the sofa at Delaney and Cole’s house–eyes wider than wide–when she realized Ryder was no ordinary puppy. Sure, we filled her in ahead of time, but nothing prepared Lisa for Ryder’s romp ’em, stomp ’em entrance when he bounded toward the sofa to greet her.

Yep, Ryder’s a Doberman, but I don’t think he knows it yet.

I think he thinks he’s 90% teddy bear.

Which makes him all the more darling.

A month later, Ryder and Lisa had another encounter, around the 4th of July and Lisa’s level of interaction was limited to putting her hand down, tentatively, so Ryder could get a good sniff. Eager Ryder hoped it was a new game, one where a treat might appear. No such luck. Only free sniffs.

Without saying so, I knew Lisa was worried about Ryder jumping on her, causing her to fall. That’s a story for another day. Sweet Lisa and complexities of aging on top of her many disabilities. She’s fallen a few times recently–with only minor injuries–but she’s increasingly aware of her unsteadiness.

“I’m too young to be old,” she says. I nod and agree.

Over Labor Day we tried a new tactic. Sit and play. Lisa loves the swivel chairs in our kitchen because they face the backyard, providing ample opportunities to watch for deer or bunnies. Sometimes our favorite squirrel, Fred.

As you can see from the slideshow above, the ‘sit and play‘ method worked! Lisa took command, telling Ryder to sit before a round of catch and then tug of war. Ryder was too focused on the objective–stealing the toy–to consider leaping into Lisa’s lap.

They were a total delight; Ryder grunting and wheezing and Lisa giggling. I love the looks he’s giving her. Dogs can be so darn aware, even oversized puppies. Ryder seemed to instinctively know–gentle play was the way to go with Lisa.

Some of you know Lisa calls me every night around 6pm. It’s been her routine forever, especially after our mom, Sue, passed away. I get the recap of Lisa’s day–a little gossip about friends at her program for intellectually disabled adults, or news about staff—the Clearbrook team members who are 100% part of our family. Then she crescendoes with a ‘What’s new with you?’ and I offer a tidbit or two.

But there’s a change in the script these days. No nightly phone call is complete without a Ryder check-in.

“Have you talked to Delaney today?”

“What’s new with Ryder?”

“Does he miss me?”

“When can I see him again?”

“Will he stop growing soon?”

“Are his eyes still green and brown?”

You get the idea. It’s marvelous and a welcome distraction from the challenges which continue to plague my sister–mostly the residual trauma of life with Sue, never far away in Lisa’s memories.

For all of the disadvantages she’s faced, Lisa’s ability to foster authenticity and kinship—embracing dear ones as “found family”—is one of her most marvelous talents.

Oh—and her one-liners are killer. In the best way.

When I dropped Lisa off after our Labor Day fun, I asked if I could share pictures of her playing with Ryder with my “writer friends” (you, dear reader). She didn’t miss a beat. “Sure. They’re so nice. I love it when they say hi. We’re lucky, aren’t we? Mom and Dad might be gone, but lots of people love us.”

Wow, right? Sitting in the car alongside Lisa, I smile and blink hard. Hoping my tears aren’t detected. My sister’s knack for finding joy levels me, then lifts me. Always in that order, even now with my fingers on the keyboard, emotions flowing as I remember the scene. Lisa’s big heart.

Thank you for being here. From me and from Lisa, too. And oh, good golly. Ryder as well.

-Vicki 💝

P.S. Thanks for all the good vibes about Printers Row Lit Fest. It was amazing! Watch for a post this week with loads of pics and details…and surprising guest appearances!

Hi – I’m Victoria, Vicki, Dr. Vicki. I hold a doctorate in Adult Education and I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), and author of Surviving Sue and Slivers.

Check out this link to learn more about my book Surviving Sue – all about resilience and love. Check out this link to order Slivers…a ghost story with surprising twists. Click here for the interview with my publisher, Rick Kaempfer from Eckhartz Press.