Don’t mind if I do! Folks who know me are aware…poor souls…that a tired Vicki is trouble. Yes, yes – on occasion, exhausted moi morphs into a crankster…a crabby patty…but just as often, I’m plagued by gargantuan giggle fits when sleep’s eluded me. Childlike humor takes over…a full regression into a maturity level akin to toddlers. Poorly behaved toddlers. (Actually, strike that. I feel like I’m maligning toddlers and who wants to do that? Not me. I LOVE toddlers. They are aware of rules, generally, but sashay right by them, professing innocence with those wide-eyed ‘who me?’ stares.)
When I’ve crossed over to bedlam, suddenly EVERYTHING is funny. Simple mishaps and goofy antics become epic freefalls of hilarity. Sometimes the unsuspecting onlooker will join in – I’m famous for sweeping others in, before they know the peril they’re in. Isn’t it amazing that belly laughs can do that – pull people closer – either to join in or gawk? Mostly gawk, I suppose – especially when they’re not in on the joke. Or worse, when there IS no joke. Just a scene…lots of snorting, incoherent speech. You get the picture. I’m grateful my family tolerates me when I become stupid-silly-me. (Wait – I think they tolerate me, but now that I think about it, where did everyone go?)
Today is one of those days. I could bust out, ride the wave to goofy town, at any moment. Without warning. I thought you should know. And no, it has nothing to do with a hangover or too much New Year’s Eve fun. I drank iced tea, okay? And coffee – it was medicinal. Whether it’s the sweet pooch Sadie and her nocturnal roaming or time-of-life fun for me where sleep becomes elusive, I’m kinda a walking zombie. (Oh geez – no offense intended toward any respectable, non-brain-noshing zombies. They probably need love, too, right?)
What’s helping me? As I plopped at my desk a while ago, I moved a pile of this-and-that; the same pile I’ve been herding around my desk that’s needed attention for months, and found…believe it or not, a Dostoevsky quote that provided much needed grounding.
I don’t know how long it will last, or when a spontaneous snooze will commence or more silly will surface, but I loved this normalizing, liberating thought. I think it excuses my overwrought self, just a bit:
“Talk nonsense, but talk your own nonsense, and I’ll kiss you for it. To go wrong in your own way is better than to go right in someone else’s.”
-F. Dostoevsky
Nonsense? Who’s to say?! I know I’m being fully myself today but it’s just one of my fun facets (that’s my story and I am sticking to it). Maybe what seems like incoherence to others might result in a flash of brilliance or insight. It could happen. I mean I’m open to it. But if it’s coming, it should hustle. I feel a nap coming on.
Happy New Year, with love!
Vicki ❤
Victoria Ponders 
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