“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” — Marcel Proust
I have a dear colleague whose professional life is a stressful whirlwind, sweeping her off her feet daily. It came with the territory – she’s a first-responder and knew what she was in for. She has little capacity to direct the flow of her days but still, she summons the energy and finesse to serve others, dutifully, soulfully, even when she has nothing, nada in reserve. Fumes. Just fumes.
As our friendship grew, I learned from her and adopted one of her healthiest self-care rituals. So simple, yet restorative in that it helps me close out one day and settle in for rest, setting the stage for slumber, which is essential for me, one of the chronically sleep-deprived.
What is the wizardry, you wonder, the magic that I commandeered? Well, it starts with this: Create a bedtime routine and treat it as sacred, first and foremost. And then, take the time to consider the day that was — the good, bad, and otherwise. Especially the bad and the otherwise. I know what you’re thinking! Whaaaa??? Focus on the negative? Yes, yes…here’s why! Lest you give those needling bits their due before you sleep, their end trails may plague you, creating restlessness thanks to the heaviness of unfinished business.
Those heavy bits? You might see them in your ‘replay reels’, the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘if onlys’ as we consider how we might’ve done better. Don’t dwell and linger, just acknowledge the pesky vermin by deploying a little imagery…Roses and Thorns. Those negative nuggets? Yep. They’re the thorns.
After addressing the thorn-y bits, dismiss them. In…and out. Maybe your thorns included interactions with insensitive, unkind people. Maybe you returned fire. Maybe you wish you hadn’t. Maybe you overlooked an important task, let someone down. Maybe you snapped when you shouldn’t have and forgot to apologize. Whatever the thorn-y array includes, remember that a new day is on the other side of sleep along with fresh and abundant opportunities to improve. Then you can get to the good stuff…the roses.
For my friend, the ‘roses’ are the wondrous moments, the glimmers of good that punctuate every day. Even our lousy days. They’re there – we just need to keep our peepers open. As a bedtime ritual, I find myself whirring through my highlight reel. The more I mull over my day, the more I can summon those glistening moments. And the recall relaxes me, makes me smile. And, truthfully, some days ARE stinkers and my ‘rose’ recall might be sparse, but I don’t mind. I don’t need a bouquet.
Which brings me to this. The quote from Marcel Proust. “Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” Oh, indeed. The past several years have taught me that some of the most powerful and positive “gardeners” in my life are dear friends who lift me up, receive me as I am, join me in the pursuit of better days.
I can’t think of a better way to sum up the intention of my latest passion project with Wynne Leon and our amazing team at Heart of the Matter. If you haven’t yet checked out the hub, the community we’re creating, please do. I can’t wait to see you there as we listen, learn, and lift one another up, heart and soul.
Vicki 😊
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Victoria Ponders 
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