Today, our dear daughter says a final, heart wrenching goodbye to her friend, Meghan. The call came that it was ‘time’.  No amount of medical intervention – well intended and miraculous – would delay the truth, the end.  When a loved one approaches the end of life with blinding swiftness, there’s little opportunity to process, to understand.  Untimely doesn’t begin to describe the magnitude of the loss.  Just a day ago, the family had hope, thanks to glimmers suggesting possible recovery. 

For those who’ve had the unbearable task of finding strength amidst the chaos, the nightmare of wondering…could I have done more?  It’s like a prison cell.  The ‘what ifs’ and the pain of second guesses?  Horrific. If I could relieve those burdens for a few dear souls today, I would.  I’d take every bit of the heaviness and pain and carry all of it…for as long as I could…to offer relief.  Sweet relief.

Instead, I feel helpless, reflective and sad.  Worrying about those who sit bedside, saying goodbye for the last time.

One of my dear blogging friends, Erin/Esoterica recently included a Leo Buscaglia quote in one of her posts.  It shook me because I was once oh-so-familiar with his work, but I’d lost track of the simplicity and power in his words:

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which has the potential to turn a life around.”

Most days, I live my life remembering that the ‘smallest act of caring’ CAN be a guiding light.  Dr. Buscaglia was a central, inspirational figure when I was a wayward, ignorant undergrad. His words – in lectures and books – helped to frame both my personal and professional life.  Grounded in goodness. I realized after reading one of his most famous quotes in Erin/Esoterica’s piece, that I’d lost track of the foundational nature of his wisdom. The brilliance and love that drew me in decades ago.

Inspired to re-read and remember, this morning I rummaged through my stash of old texts, copies of Dr. Buscaglia’s books and read again, his words of humanity and love.  And then…I recalled a quote that I’ve shared many times with those in the grip of grief and wondered how I might share these wise words with Meghan’s loved ones – who at this very moment, endure the unthinkable as gaping holes in their hearts are torn open by final goodbyes.  I wonder…and worry…

For how long, will they suffer?  As they reconstitute their lives, minus precious Meghan, I wish them hope, love, resilience, and the ability to avoid the rewinds and tortured thoughts about what they might have done differently.  Dr. Buscaglia wrote:

Love, accept, forgive – oneself, especially?  Those are words that rumble in my head and soul – on repeat, like a refrain.  A song about withstanding pain, my plea to the universe, for the brokenhearted today.

Although Dr. Buscaglia died in 1998, today I honor him, remembering how his life’s work helped to carve and craft my journey, reminding me that life without love, no matter how much pain we’ve suffered, is the biggest loss of all.  

And perhaps that’s the greatest gift.  Reminding a family overwhelmed by grief that remembering Meghan, the love, the light, the sprite that she was?  It is enough.  And in the days ahead, it will be everything.

Vicki 💕

27 thoughts on “Loving Meghan”

  1. Such events are marked by a line that defines before and after. If we are fortunate, the line blurs with time. May that coming be swift for all those who loved Meghan.

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  2. It’s always sad to lose someone close to you, but to lose someone of a younger generation, someone with so much to live for and to give, is especially heart-wrenching. Your words about finding our way are so well said, Vicki. It never gets any easier, and remembering several of the lessons you include in your post is truly valuable for us all.

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  3. I’m so sorry for DD’s loss and the grief that all of Meghan’s family and friends must be overwhelmed with right now. I love the comfort of your words – and the goodness that radiates through them. Unless we forgive ourselves, we can’t be present for others – such deep wisdom. Sending warm thoughts that we all feel a touch of that goodness and kindness today in celebration of Meghan!

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  4. I’m sorry to read about this, but also understand it’s part of life. Doesn’t make it any easier, but sometimes simple truths help. My condolences to your daughter and Meghan’s family– and you.

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  7. So many are suffering such heartache these days—but it’s especially tough when it hits so close to home. I echo Ally Bean’s words that though it is a part of life, it doesn’t get any easier. We can only pray for the easing of the heartache left behind after the departure of a loved one. I will add prayers to those of others for all who are touched by this very sad loss. 🙏

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    1. Thank you, dear Julia. Easing the heartache…yes, indeed. What a beautiful way of describing the intention and desire to help during a difficult time. Grateful for your friendship! ❤️❤️❤️

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  8. I’m so sorry for my slow response Vicki. I wanted to leave you something heartfelt to say to your daughter yesterday, but, unfortunately, there’s often little that we can say that will make our grief any easier. But as Leo Buscaglia said himself and you highlighted, it’s our love that is important, that will help in the moments that matter the most. (Btw, thanks for the Buscaglia reminder, so many gems in his research.) Sending positive thoughts and prayers to your daughter, you, and others affected by this loss.

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  9. I’m so very sorry to hear about Meghan and the loss that faces DD, Meghan’s family and all who have been part of Meghan’s world. My heart goes out to all of you, especially DD. As Brian said, sending positive thoughts to DD, you, and others affected by this loss.

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  10. Oh Vicki, I am so sorry… there really aren’t any words at times like this but my heart is full for Meghan, her family and her friends; most especially, your daughter… I hope they will all be able – in time – to find some small comfort in having been able to say goodbye… 🙏💕💕💕

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