Have you been lucky, as I have? Along the way I’ve met some unforgettable people…giving, loving, smart and witty humans who, while brilliant and academically accomplished, were equally gifted, big-hearted beings of love. Quick to laugh, quick to forgive, recognizing that every person they meet is carrying an unseen burden of some sort. Best to be generous, less judgmental. Light whenever possible because the world sets so many hurdles before us. Just say NO! No to furrowed brows and rigidity!
If my friend Phil had been with me yesterday when I stopped at Walgreens to grab Valentine’s Day candy for my sister and her disabled housemates, I wonder what he would’ve done in response to a nasty lady, berating a cashier?
As I scanned the overwhelming array of heart-shaped confections – primarily searching for sister Lisa’s favorites – Reese’s peanut butter hearts – I overheard a woman snarl, “Then get a manager, stupid. You’re slow and dumb.”
Radar up! I only needed to turn my head a tad to take in the scene. Angry lady yelling at an older gentleman behind the counter…she…waving a receipt and gesturing in his face…and he? Trembling. Even from twenty feet away, he shook and I could see it. Couldn’t she? Oh…right. Rage blindness. She saw nothing…except herself…and her anger about allegedly being shorted. She screamed, “You owe me nine dollars and twenty-one cents more, you idiot. It’s right here on my receipt…see….my rewards points!?”
I had no idea whether she was right nor not. Maybe the poor guy DID make a mistake, but her delivery and name calling of a clearly disabled employee…sitting on a stool, I suspected, because he was less than ambulatory? No, no, no! I grabbed my candy and hustled to get in line, instinctively I think, trying to be near the cashier, maybe to give him a nod or consideration with my eyes. Support without intervening?
As the manager joined the fray, Mrs. Nutball rewound her rant and began again…torturous for the man who still trembled behind the counter. I watched the manager…she tried to figure out the rationale for the refund but I could see the waving and flailing and nasty, high-pitched tirade made it impossible for her to comprehend what Mrs. Nutball alleged…so she went to the register and pulled out a ten-dollar bill and gave it to the women. Payment to make her disappear…on her broomstick or whatever.
The manager turned to the cashier and gave him a gentle shoulder tap. A familiar ‘there, there’ motion. I appreciated that and wondered if she’d suggest he take a break. She didn’t, so I was his next customer. His hands shook as he scanned the candy, slowly and delicately bagging each piece, making sure the Gatorade I bought for the hubster was in a separate bag, and then gently, he lowered the candy into another bag.
Was he slow and methodical? Yes. And as he took care with my purchases, I thanked him for bagging things separately and he looked up, cautiously, to meet my smiling face. Was I another tyrant, he must’ve wondered? And then, thinking about my friend Phil who was fearless and driven by compassion in all things, I added, “I’m so sorry about what happened before. I heard what she said to you. I’m so sorry.” I heard Mrs. Nutball lambast him using trigger words wrapped in anger. Slow and dumb? No, no. We do not speak that way…thinking of the countless times sweet sister Lisa, developmentally disabled and different, suffered as nasty comments were spewed in her direction.
The cashier. Even though there were plenty of customers behind me, he stopped, with tears in his eyes and leaned in, whispering, “Thank you so much. She scared me and I was only trying to help. You are very kind.” Oh my. The trip to Walgreens? I wasn’t expecting to cry…but it was okay. My friend Phil? He would’ve done the same…maybe more…acknowledge….be brave…worry less about yourself whenever you can. Think about others…lead with kindness.
My friend Phil is a man of many talents. His compassion and finesse with people? Life goals, right there, but he has another, trademark superpower. Self-deprecating humor…turned into teachable moments. I’d love to introduce you to him with a fun story. One of my all-time favorites. Take a peek – here’s the link – to today’s Heart of the Matter post for more on Phil and why he’s a hero, my exemplar.
Love and hugs,
Vicki 💕
Victoria Ponders 
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