When my sister Lisa was born, we didn’t know the extent of her vision issues. Over time we learned and thanks to many doctors along the way, Lisa’s vision was corrected as much as possible, but she’s still legally blind in one eye.
As a tot, Lisa loved looking at picture books but had little ability to read. The words jumbled on the page and made even rudimentary reading difficult for her. But she’s “Super Lisa” – through and through – and always had a workaround. Whether it was an innate skill, borne of her low vision or a combination of her sweetness and sensitivity, Lisa often learned best though touch. Tactile tasks helped her improve her motor functions and hand-eye coordination. Reading with Lisa often involved a nestled-in closeness so she could follow my finger as we read. Holding my hand and resting her head on my shoulder, we’d read together at bedtime enjoying good stories and sister snuggles.
One of Lisa’s workarounds was memorizing the words. Matching her recall with the images on each page, she would proudly proclaim ‘I’m reading!’ and I wouldn’t say a word to dispute her joy. She was. Reading. In her way, using her visual skills and the cues and clues in the images which accompanied the words.
As we read together, I learned that Lisa also loved to touch faces. To get close…nearly nose-to-nose…with her fingers sometimes near my lips as I read out loud to her. I realize now she was engaging in tactile learning as she felt the words form in my mouth.
Lisa’s hands were her antennae to the world, and she often greeted friends and family by palming their faces with love. Then a hug. If they forgot Lisa’s mannerisms, folks would be caught off guard because it looked as if Lisa was going in for a smooch. Nope. She just wanted to see, as best she could, and proximity helped her envelope the moment. (Well, sometimes she’d sneak in a smooch, too. 😉)
Because Lisa’s disabilities are largely invisible, on a good day (if her gait and occasionally awkward gestures are calm) she can be perceived as fully functioning and not as an intellectually disabled adult. Her kindness wins strangers over. An eager smile and gracious manners. Always. But when she’s flustered, Lisa’s default to nearness and her quest for proximity can become confusing. Off putting. She’s no longer the little girl for whom quirks and behavioral tics are deemed cute and harmless as she leans in to touch. Lisa’s adult stature can raise fear in others, especially if she’s exuberant or perplexed.
When she realizes she’s encroached, Lisa’s overly apologetic and sometimes tearful. Savvy enough to know it’s important to be well-mannered, Lisa aches if anything she does is perceived as inappropriate. She regroups and tries again to communicate or complete the task at hand. It might take a minute for her to settle herself and begin again…or it might take an hour…or a day…or more… but she works things out. Her way.
As Lisa’s sister, the gifts she’s given me are numerous and I’m amazed at how often I uncover another layer. A nuance left undetected for years, yet powerful as an example of how Lisa has influenced me in positive ways.
I realized, as I’ve grown older, that Lisa was my first teacher; she helped me become a more open person about differences. Lisa taught me (long before graduate school) about learning disabilities, autism and more. Lisa taught me lessons about ”gifts differing” (which is also the name of a terrific book, btw, about personality differences).
Being Lisa’s sister contributed to my empathetic, expansive thinking about talents and strengths and the front row seat I’ve had, to enjoy her unique way of seeing, perceiving and being in the world drives one point home, again and again: For every gap, there is a gift.
Today my Heart of the Matter post is about learning and curiosity as I remind myself it’s okay to stretch and try new things…and to patient with myself. Just as I am with Lisa. Opportunities to learn, grow and love? They’re everywhere.
Vicki ❤
Victoria Ponders 
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