I took a photo of the moon this morning.
This moon – the one in the pic above. I had one eye open (barely) as I crept downstairs before dawn. The moonshine was so very bright I thought I’d missed a few hours of daylight. I thought the sun was already high in the sky. But it was only the moon. Another celestial wonder greeting me with a combination of glow and goodness and a halo. Do moons have halos? I don’t know but I love the rainbow-like light which surrounded my heavenly greeter this morning. Are “rainbow moons” a thing? Or was this something special for sleepy Vicki as she rose to get her day rolling?
Never mind the query. I’ve come to my own conclusions. At least for today, rainbow moons are a thing. Because I saw it. Felt it…and it startled me enough to shift my morning malaise into a smile.
Holiday time can be tricky. In our house, echoes of my mom, Sue pulsate in my sweet sister Lisa’s heart and navigating the past few days with her was bumpy. Sue’s been gone for eight years but Lisa’s time-traveling instincts are strong, and she was more than melancholy over Christmas.
Painful childhood memories flow alongside lighter episodes for Lisa. One rolling wave after another. I want to flee, but I’m the only co-pilot for her – the one who knows the terrain she travels, so I buckle up to ride along and try to usher Lisa to the sunnier side of the street. But yesterday? I felt like I’d been hit by a bus on my way to sunshine, losing my footing.
I know what to do. It’s a practiced skill. In the quiet moments after Lisa’s tended to – harshness smoothed over with love – I take the time I need to regroup.
Sue never meant to harm but harm she did and I’m grateful that I have the intellectual capacity to understand the trauma waves as Lisa encounters them. And I know I’m not alone in my need to tend to the emotional undertow that will always be a part of my life. Holiday time summons ghosts, so I factor in time to repair and reset.
To all who might be reading this – those who are wading through this week between Christmas and the New Year with memories and moments that might pull to the extremes – joyous to complicated and painful – I send love, love, love. And a reminder from the wonderful folks at NAMI – The National Alliance on Mental Illness:
Some days it’s good enough to get through. No highlights. No fanfare. Just living and doing and caring and loving…embracing the messy because it is oh-so real. In it together, I say.
Vicki 🥰
Thank you so much for reading and your interest in my story and my book “Surviving Sue”. I’m pleased to have great reviews on Amazon and Goodreads…and I welcome more.
Victoria Ponders 
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