Shoot. Darn. Rats. I don’t know where that expression comes from (I haven’t dug in to find out) but it came into my life from a dear work colleague who often wanted to unleash every swear word in her arsenal when she saw someone being slighted or maligned. Instead, “Caitlin” would vehemently vent, while pacing and gesturing – fists flailing in the air – as she grumbled (or shrieked – depending upon the situation and the audience) “Shoot! Darn! Rats!”
Those of us who knew Caitlin well understood which words she was really thinking about and let’s just say they were salty. But big-hearted and wise Caitlin aired on the side of discretion, by launching her tirade of SDR instead of swearing a blue-streak, knowing she could unload and unleash without offending those around her. In fact, her frustration routine often generated giggles from the recognition that comes when we watch someone else “work out their stuff”.
Caitlin had no tolerance for bad manners and often her anger swelled when she witnessed examples of thoughtless oversights related to an absence of inclusion and social graces. I suspect our challenging childhoods with parents who had the capacity for goodness but often fell short, propelled us into clean up mode; often apologizing for transgressions large and small as we trailed behind.
I thought about Caitlin’s method for ousting her anger recently when I noticed something that boiled my blood. There is so much to worry about in the world right now and feelings of hopelessness often loom. The least we can do is remember common courtesy, don’tcha think?
Here’s what happened. Last week I was part of an innocuous group text that was appropriate and relevant to the five women on the trail who are part of a networking group. At first. Fine, good. Mission accomplished and messages received. But then one woman veered off – perhaps forgetting that she was still in a group message – and began making plans to get together with one other person in the group chat.
Did she forget where she was? If she’d been brief, perhaps I would’ve ignored her multi-paragraph-too-detailed-for-a-text sharing, but she was anything but concise. Spiced up with exclusionary phrases like “just us” and “I can’t wait to see you” I could feel the pain emanating from another, like me. An unintended bystander still on the trail. I best not share more, but I think you get the idea. Know your audience. Mind your manners.
I wanted to offer a sassy retort…”Hey…some of us are still here”…or “Maybe you two should take this offline with a phone call” but instead? I walked it off with a few Caitlin-esque “Shoot! Darn! Rats” explosions.
When I calmed myself, I realized I don’t really like the woman in question, the over-sharer who perhaps with intention, or not, made others feel less than.
In the aftermath of this minor but pesky incident, I found comfort in Dr. Stein’s pearls of wisdom, shared in today’s Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast. Most of all, I remembered I needn’t give the thoughtless one any more of my energy.
24. Not everyone will love you, nor even like you. Accept that. Living means your heart will break, and you might bruise others’ hearts like a game of dominoes.
13. Allow love and kindness to emanate from your being. Live with both intelligence and an open heart. Those different from you also find existence challenging.
You’ll need to listen to this wonderful episode to savor the sentiments Wynne offered about why #13 is one of her personal favorites, too.
I don’t know what else may have been in the mix for the woman who was a runaway train of a texter, but I can be open hearted and less judgmental, less reactionary. I just needed a nudge. Much like Dr. Stein’s reminder:
16. Pick your battles. When you swim in a pool of anger, you will drink its pollution, distressed when you could be joyful.
Vicki ❤
Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to on Anchor Episode 47: Being Your Own Best Friend With Dr. Gerald Stein – Part II
Transcript for Episode 47 of the podcast
Links for this Episode:
Episode 47: Being Your Own Best Friend With Dr. Gerald Stein – Part II on Anchor
Dr. Gerald Stein’s Blog: Dr. Gerald Stein
How to Become Your Own Best Friend by Dr. Gerald Stein
Other podcast episodes with Dr. Stein:
Episode 46: Being Your Own Best Friend With Dr. Gerald Stein – Part I
Episode 37: The Waiting Game with Dr. Gerald Stein
Episode 29: Accidental Philanthropists with Dr. Gerald Stein
Episode 20: The Art of the Interview with Dr. Gerald Stein
Vicki’s recently released book: Surviving Sue
Wynne’s book about her beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith
Victoria Ponders 
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