Hmmm…because I’m using a five-syllable word, does that make “colonoscopy” humor any better than garden variety “potty humor”?  I think not…but still…I’m compelled to share.

At a certain age, the “C-scope” is a rite of passage (wink!) and I promise I am not making light of the intense risks associated with colon issues.  No, no.  Too many loved ones in my life have dealt with cancers in that part of the body so I’m not making fun.  It’s an important and life-saving procedure.  But…if I’ve learned anything in life, it’s that I will – one way or another – find my way to the lighter side of…even the most dismal things…if I can wrangle my way there.

Who’s the patient? The hubster. After a day of colon cleaning…vigorous as that is, my dear hubs, and his GI tract, were primed and ready for showtime this morning.  My sweet mother-in-law, Maxine, dealt with complications from colon cancer for years, often joking with her gastroenterologist that each visit to ‘peek and poke’ resulted in the most magnificent 8×10 glossies…proof positive that she was clean as a whistle and naughty polyps and lesions were swept away. It was our on-going joke for years with her Dr. and while I’m sure his staff hated us, we asked the Doc, each time, to sign her colon pics – all shiny and bright – with his autograph.  After all, he was an adventurer, of sorts, exploring the mysteries of Maxine…from the inside out.

Today was hubster’s day for colon fun.  Like a trooper, he managed to get through the day yesterday – the day of colonic prep but still…for a big guy – all 6’5” of him – not eating for a day and cleaning the pipes was A LOT.  By the time this morning came, we were thrilled to get on our way early.  In his case, given issues from last year, he was scheduled for both a colonoscopy and an endoscopy and when I joked this morning that his doctor’s goal was to ‘meet in the middle’ as both cameras did their work, I got a glimmer of a guffaw from him. Not bad, I thought, but I figured that was the end of colonoscopy humor for the day.  I was wrong!

Even though we arrived early, the office was bumping and bouncing!  I looked at each coupling – people checking in, two-by-two…the patients and the designated drivers.  It was easy to spot who was who. Patients looked grim and mostly wore sweatpants and slip on shoes and (understandably) had zero bounce in their step – or affect.  Somber. The driver/companions?  Whoa boy, they looked lighter – as if THEY (we?) were the ones who’d done the internal tidy-up.  Nope.  Not that.  We just felt lucky because the waiting room was our destination.  Our only destination. 

As the hubs and I sat and settled after checking in, minutes passed…then a quarter hour…then 30 minutes.  I could see the stress on his face, not eating for 24 hours and dehydrated – big time.  I patted his hand and whispered, “I’m sure you’re next” and he nodded.  After another 15 minutes where I pretended to read, for the fourth time “Coraline” (that’s another story – I can’t get through it and it’s a kids book, for gosh sakes) I sauntered to the counter and asked about the delay.  Nice.  Very nice.  Turns out, the other companions were thinking the same thing, feeling antsy for their loved ones who were also schlumping in their seats waiting to GET IT OVER WITH. 

I wasn’t trying to be funny.  I promise.  But when I rolled up to Jasmine at the check-in desk this flew out of my mouth: “Oh, gosh.  I know everyone wants to get this over with, but do you have any idea how much longer for my husband?  Seems like things are really backed up.”  And as soon as I said THAT…Jasmine laughed and said, “Well, that’s one way of putting it!” and then a sweet gentleman who was also a companion, there with his wife, roared and said, “That’s hilarious! Colonoscopy humor – backed up?!”

I turned to look at my dear hubs…the most introverted human I know…and his face? He wanted to crawl under his seat.  Yep!  That’s life with Vicki!  But the laughter in the waiting room gave everyone (I say) a moment of levity and you know what? As soon as that tension was broken, everything changed and zing, boom, bang…patients were being called in left and right. 

The kind gentleman who chuckled at/with me – and got everyone else in the waiting room giggling?  After both of our loved ones were in process, he said, “I know not everyone appreciates humor the same way but that was funny, and the best part is that I know you weren’t trying.  It just happened.  Backed up for a colonoscopy!”

The rest of the visit was uneventful, but I noticed the smiles.  More consideration from the companions as folks moved their belongings to make room for new arrivals…those fortunate souls who missed my silly stupid moment but still, I think the lift from the laughter lingered and it was good. And I promise. No more colonoscopy humor from me again. Ever. 😉

Xo,

Vicki ❤

Photo by Gratisography on Pexels.com

60 thoughts on “When You Crack Yourself Up: Colonoscopy Edition”

    1. Oh gosh…you’ve been a blogging bud for too long…you already know ‘never’ is a hard word to stick with…especially for me! I’ll try — how’s that?! Thanks for chuckling with/at me! 😉

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    2. Agreed: if I was there you’d hear a loud chortle (or two)from my direction!

      Was this the hubster’s first colonoscopy? You mentioned something about last year’s issues, is this an annual event and he’s an expert at it now? Does he choose the anesthesia or non-anesthesia route? Hope it all went well whichever way! And I know it went easier and better because you were there 🥰

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      1. Thanks, EW! The hubs had a series of medical issues last year and complications — so we were thrilled that all went well yesterday! He’s a pro at the light anesthesia route — and a pro at tolerating me! 😘 Hugs to you! ❤️🥰❤️

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    1. Oh — Erin! That’s precisely it — accidental humor! Thanks for giving it a name. Yes…it broke the tension, but it was unintentional. I need to have a three second censor delay some days…LOL. Xo! 😉

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  3. Yes, laughter can definitely lighten the mood. But … your husband might be waiting for it to be your turn to be the patient to see if perhaps your sense of humor’s a bit more subdued than usual, Vicki! 😏

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    1. Oh goodness, yes. He’s a master at remembering and ‘getting me back’ when I least expect it. That might be the secret sauce in our marriage. Thanks for that, Jane — you’re a little savant today! 😉😉😉

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  5. Wonderful, Vicki. If you can bear more on the topic, here is a joke I heard from my own physician:

    I had a patient who came in for a routine digital rectal exam as a part of his annual physical. After completing that portion of the evaluation, he asked me: “Doc, how many fingers did you use?” “One,” I answered. “Why didn’t you use two?” “Because the exam is done with just one finger,” I said. “Yeah, I know, but I wanted a second opinion!”

    If you can tolerate more on the subject, try this: https://drgeraldstein.wordpress.com/2012/07/11/when-your-doctor-gives-you-the-finger-why-men-fear-digital-medicine/

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    1. Dr. Stein! You will never cease to amaze! Thank you for the chuckle with the joke…and who would’ve guessed you also blogged about colonoscopies…and more…back in 2012? I think that piece holds up beautifully. Thank you so much for sharing. Makes me feel I should be rolling through your archives for more terrific posts.
      😉😉😉

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    1. I know!!! You were one of my friends who encouraged me to give Coraline another try and I can’t believe how scary it is! I will finish…but wowzers…it’s frightful! And…thx for chuckling over colonoscopy humor. Laughing IS good! 😎😘😎

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  8. Ouch, you’re hitting too close for comfort. Ha, ha, my doctor just mentioned last week that I need to have mine this summer. I love the humor. Accidental? I would have claimed that it was on purpose. And tell them that they can catch you Saturday night at the nearest comedy club!

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    1. Were you eavesdropping? The nice man who laughed along said, ‘tip your waiters’ and began chuckling about other potty humor jokes that could be added, to make a comedy routine. Definitely met a kindred soul in the waiting area yesterday! And…me, too….as Jane pointed out, my turn is coming and I’m due for the same “C” routine this summer. Hubs can take revenge then! 😉😉😉

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    1. Oh, Julia, Julia, Julia! Love you! Wynne and I joked yesterday that we could’ve gone on…endlessly…with more potty/colonoscopy humor and look at you? You’re part of the club! (I joked with Wynne that I felt she missed an opportunity with the “crack” yourself up title…and she reminded me that there’s an Easter egg of another sort in one of her comments. I’ll need to re-read and enjoy.) And as for you, my pretty? Yes, all’s well ‘in the end’. A successful outcome! Hugs and love to my all-time favorite giggle sister – you! 🥰😘🥰

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  14. Love your sense of humor about a most horrible procedure. It’s been about a year now since I had a colonoscopy. I did the prep the night the war with the Ukraine was beginning. There were explosions everywhere, if’n you get my drift.

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    1. Okay…Miss Ally Bean. I hereby offer you entry into the giggle sisters club — me, you, Julia and Wynne — winning the awards for rampant potty humor. Explosions everywhere!? You win! I’m just grateful I was only sipping water just now — nothing messier. xo! 🥰

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  15. lol I’m sure it lightened the mood because I’m pretty sure everyone else was… down in the dumps.

    Love how you managed to observe people and determine who was whom thought. That’s a keen eye! I’ll definitely need to learn to do that more for my fiction.

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  16. I’m also due for this delightful procedure this summer, too. I’m hoping I can carry some of this humor along with me or that there’s someone like you in the waiting room! Hopefully, fear won’t rear it’s ugly head for me on that day! 😉

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  18. Haha! I’m glad somebody else writes about this stuff besides me, Victoria. I would have been cracking up in the waiting room too. I’m that person who tries to find humor in just about any situation. There is a physical component here as laughter releases stress and that’s always a good thing.

    I rarely do this, but I’ve decided to send you my two-part blog regarding my last colonoscopy. Don’t feel obligated to read. Hey, some guys share war stories, and some share their colonoscopy experiences. Don’t judge. 🤣

    https://petespringerauthor.wordpress.com/2022/09/25/did-i-sign-up-for-this-part-1/

    https://petespringerauthor.wordpress.com/2022/09/25/did-i-sign-up-for-this-part-1/

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    1. Oh my goodness, Pete! Thanks for the commiserating giggles! Maybe the hubster should’ve read your post before his ‘big day’ (as the cheeky drugstore clerk said…about your purchases and their purpose). Your experience, including the sideline quip from your wife about qualifying for the senior Olympics? Hilarious…and close to the truth of our experience. Humor helped to get through it…I think? I’ll need to do a little spelunking on your site to find Part II…you know, to hear how the story ends. Or maybe I was supposed to read Part I twice? I’m good with that — very enjoyable! Thank you for sharing, commenting and following. Much appreciated! 😊😎😊

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        1. Okay – I owe you. Thank you for posting so I didn’t need to do a thing to enjoy! I’m not sure what I giggled about more — the bad weather, the “Wide World of Sports” snippet — such a fixture from my youth – or the inquiry about a ‘frequent flyer program’. Goodness. You win! I’m so glad I hadn’t read your two-parter…(farter) before I wrote about hubster’s procedure. I would’ve simply asked if I could link to your fun stories! Thanks so much, Pete. Happy Thursday to you! 😘😘😘

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