Hmmm…because I’m using a five-syllable word, does that make “colonoscopy” humor any better than garden variety “potty humor”? I think not…but still…I’m compelled to share.
At a certain age, the “C-scope” is a rite of passage (wink!) and I promise I am not making light of the intense risks associated with colon issues. No, no. Too many loved ones in my life have dealt with cancers in that part of the body so I’m not making fun. It’s an important and life-saving procedure. But…if I’ve learned anything in life, it’s that I will – one way or another – find my way to the lighter side of…even the most dismal things…if I can wrangle my way there.
Who’s the patient? The hubster. After a day of colon cleaning…vigorous as that is, my dear hubs, and his GI tract, were primed and ready for showtime this morning. My sweet mother-in-law, Maxine, dealt with complications from colon cancer for years, often joking with her gastroenterologist that each visit to ‘peek and poke’ resulted in the most magnificent 8×10 glossies…proof positive that she was clean as a whistle and naughty polyps and lesions were swept away. It was our on-going joke for years with her Dr. and while I’m sure his staff hated us, we asked the Doc, each time, to sign her colon pics – all shiny and bright – with his autograph. After all, he was an adventurer, of sorts, exploring the mysteries of Maxine…from the inside out.
Today was hubster’s day for colon fun. Like a trooper, he managed to get through the day yesterday – the day of colonic prep but still…for a big guy – all 6’5” of him – not eating for a day and cleaning the pipes was A LOT. By the time this morning came, we were thrilled to get on our way early. In his case, given issues from last year, he was scheduled for both a colonoscopy and an endoscopy and when I joked this morning that his doctor’s goal was to ‘meet in the middle’ as both cameras did their work, I got a glimmer of a guffaw from him. Not bad, I thought, but I figured that was the end of colonoscopy humor for the day. I was wrong!
Even though we arrived early, the office was bumping and bouncing! I looked at each coupling – people checking in, two-by-two…the patients and the designated drivers. It was easy to spot who was who. Patients looked grim and mostly wore sweatpants and slip on shoes and (understandably) had zero bounce in their step – or affect. Somber. The driver/companions? Whoa boy, they looked lighter – as if THEY (we?) were the ones who’d done the internal tidy-up. Nope. Not that. We just felt lucky because the waiting room was our destination. Our only destination.
As the hubs and I sat and settled after checking in, minutes passed…then a quarter hour…then 30 minutes. I could see the stress on his face, not eating for 24 hours and dehydrated – big time. I patted his hand and whispered, “I’m sure you’re next” and he nodded. After another 15 minutes where I pretended to read, for the fourth time “Coraline” (that’s another story – I can’t get through it and it’s a kids book, for gosh sakes) I sauntered to the counter and asked about the delay. Nice. Very nice. Turns out, the other companions were thinking the same thing, feeling antsy for their loved ones who were also schlumping in their seats waiting to GET IT OVER WITH.
I wasn’t trying to be funny. I promise. But when I rolled up to Jasmine at the check-in desk this flew out of my mouth: “Oh, gosh. I know everyone wants to get this over with, but do you have any idea how much longer for my husband? Seems like things are really backed up.” And as soon as I said THAT…Jasmine laughed and said, “Well, that’s one way of putting it!” and then a sweet gentleman who was also a companion, there with his wife, roared and said, “That’s hilarious! Colonoscopy humor – backed up?!”
I turned to look at my dear hubs…the most introverted human I know…and his face? He wanted to crawl under his seat. Yep! That’s life with Vicki! But the laughter in the waiting room gave everyone (I say) a moment of levity and you know what? As soon as that tension was broken, everything changed and zing, boom, bang…patients were being called in left and right.
The kind gentleman who chuckled at/with me – and got everyone else in the waiting room giggling? After both of our loved ones were in process, he said, “I know not everyone appreciates humor the same way but that was funny, and the best part is that I know you weren’t trying. It just happened. Backed up for a colonoscopy!”
The rest of the visit was uneventful, but I noticed the smiles. More consideration from the companions as folks moved their belongings to make room for new arrivals…those fortunate souls who missed my silly stupid moment but still, I think the lift from the laughter lingered and it was good. And I promise. No more colonoscopy humor from me again. Ever. 😉
Xo,
Vicki ❤
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