My Natural State is Happy

I love hearing from former students.  They pop up for all sorts of reasons.  Letters of recommendation?  Sure.  Reference requests?  Yes, yes.  Fairly often.  Outreach to ask for career or relationship advice?  Definitely.  Many of the referrals I receive in my consulting business come from former students and clients. They know that Vicki.

When I opened myself up as an author, writing a family-focused memoir,  I was well aware that folks who’ve only known me through a professional or acquaintance-level personal relationship would be able to peek inside the whole of my life – all for the price of the book (and/or perusing the “Peek Inside” snippets I’ve been sharing here on Victoria Ponders). 

I was ready. These possibilities did not surprise me, and as Wynne and I discussed in our recent podcast about the publishing process, it’s one of the considerations for writers in the memoir genre.  Are you ready?  Ready for the broad view of your life from people known and unknown? 

Yes.  I was…I am ready.  I’m able to tell the story of my mom’s life because I’m anchored to my purpose – the hope that I may be able to help others by sharing the painful bits, meshed, and mingled with humor and love.  One of the readiness hacks?  Being extra adept at self-care prior to this period of exposure, ramping up my meditation efforts in order to take care of myself.  All good.  And then…extra doses of love and humor arrive.

A sweet, lovable former student emailed me last week to follow up on a letter of recommendation for his admission into a doctoral program (he’s amazing!)  He’s been following me here on Victoria Ponders and his whole family is a delight.  Although I’m not sharing his name, he knows I’m writing about our recent interaction. 😉

Most of his email was focused on the letter; instructions for me to drop it into the university’s portal/website before the deadline.  Then he thanked me because he waived his right to review the letter and regretted doing so. Such a simple thing made him happy; me promising to send him a final copy for his own records. 

Here comes the fun.  In the last paragraph of his email, he shared something that made me bust out laughing.  I mean…I’ve never professed to anyone that I’m “normal” (whatever the heck that is) but his closing sentence was a keeper: 

 “Also.  My mom and grandma read your book, the one about your mom. I haven’t read it yet but I will.  They’re passing it around to my aunt now but they told me you must really be great.  They don’t know how you made it through life with Sue in order to be as normal as you are.” 

Me? Normal?  Maybe.  But his funny comment made my day and reminded me of one of my favorite affirmations (which I write about today in my Heart of the Matter post): 

“My natural state is happy.  Yours may not be.  It’s not a contest.”   

Vicki 😊



45 responses to “My Natural State is Happy”

  1. […] for reading and for your generous feedback) some of the input’s made me chuckle.  My post on Victoria Ponders today shares a giggle on that topic.  Hop over if you have a moment. […]

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  2. drgeraldstein Avatar
    drgeraldstein

    I think there are at least two ways to be normal. The typical way most people use the word today is to contrast it with abnormal. Thus, the normal person is believed to be mentally healthy.

    The other way is to fit the norm — what is typical of most people.

    On the other hand, you could be like Norm, the character played by George Wendt on Cheers.

    Your choice! I am guessing at least one fits you.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. What a great comment Dr. Stein. My brain is now traveling a wormhole of philosophical possibilities centered on each of your examples and what it means to be normal as well as who gets to judge what constitutes normal in human terms.

      Liked by 3 people

  3. You’ve got me! I’ll take Norm from Cheers any day. Nothing ever fazed him much…and who doesn’t love “Normie” as a nickname for a grown man? Thanks for the chuckle and the perspective on ways to be normal, Dr. Stein. “Cheers” to you! 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  4. If only we knew the formula for being glass half full instead of glass have empty. There would be so many more people able to choose to be happy. Sigh.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Great point. What a discovery that would be, Jane. 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ha ha. What a lovely comment from your former student, Vicki. What is normal, anyway? I often think about that. I sometimes describe my life as “ordinary” but that’s not a good word either. Each of us has our own unique life, and chart our own path. We’re all extraordinary when we stop to think about it. Have a wonderful Sunday!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh….I like that! “We’re all extraordinary”. That’s a keeper of a thought, Michelle. I like the notion of uniqueness, too, and being on our own paths…and giving one another grace at the same time. Yes! Hope you have a lovely day my friend. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  6. 😉I often wonder why I have so many quirks, then I spend time with my family and wonder how I’m as normal as I am

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Cheers to your quirks and mine LOL…and our ability to look over our shoulders to see ‘from whence they came’. 🤣

      Liked by 1 person

    2. This is such a great comment, LA!! I think we all feel this way to some extent. 🤣

      Liked by 2 people

  7. How wonderful that your student is passing your book around his family circle! I just finished it yesterday and plan to lend it to my mom today, then maybe her sisters – it really is a story worth sharing. What struck me is that so many folks are secretive about their family dysfunctions to protect those they love (or who could harm them), but I think a decent chuck of the population could recognize parallels to their own life in your story, which may help them exhume their own painful memories and navigate through the mess. Normal is overrated! 😉 My boyfriend came from a very dysfunctional family and my compliment is always that I’m impressed he’s turned out so well-adjusted…. not normal, but also not totally screwy. 🤣

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    1. Thank you for all of that, Erin! If you have time and wouldn’t mind, I’d love it if you’d share your thoughts in the comments on the “Surviving Sue” page. Until the e-book is available and it’s on Goodreads, it’s my best method for capturing reviews and feedback. Absolutely fine if you’d prefer not to…super grateful to you for reading and sharing with your mom! 🥰

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Absolutely! It’s on my to-do list! 🥰

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Levels of normal I think. There cannot be a black or white answer here only those shades of gray that often combine with the context of a given situation. Love the comment from your former student and I am glad you passed the normal test for his family 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love your thoughts, Deb…”normal” can be so contextual…and situational. Thanks for that. Agree, agree! 😉❤️😉

      Liked by 1 person

  9. What a joy to have interactions so positive with your former students. It’s a testament to you and how you impacted their lives in a positive way!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What a sweet thing for you to say, Elizabeth. Thanks for that — the fact that I’ve stayed connected with so many as they’ve continued their journeys is a blessing and a gift. xo! 🥰

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can imagine how wonderful that would be!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I don’t think you need to imagine much…think of all the swimmers, parents, clients, friends, family you’ve helped over the years (well, maybe not Rick Dees – giggle, giggle!). People know when they’ve connected with someone who cares, and I know you’ve done that a zillion times. Just sayin’…💕

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Thank you for your kind words! That’s so sweet!

            Liked by 1 person

            1. I mean every word. 😘

              Liked by 1 person

  10. You write that you were ready for readers to look inside your life. Has it been what you expected? Parents of your students passing around your book? I’m guessing that was a surprise. Any others? I’m fascinated by this topic. Love your quote at the end! So important to know ourselves. And to be able to say it’s not a competition and to say “and that’s okay.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What a great question, Brian. I knew I needed to be ready for some folks to see the broad strokes and not the nuances – possibly critiquing or evaluating based on other “trauma stories” or memoirs that are “tell-alls” in a self-serving way. If I’d wanted to write a book like that, I would’ve written about Sue right after she died when a lot of the hurt was still fresh. As I wrote and edited, my greatest hope was that it would be a good read – with enough detail and humor that “Surviving Sue” could be relatable because of the feelings (and not necessarily the details). And — I hoped, hoped, hoped it would be a book that people would feel compelled to share – tell a friend or family member about. The fact that it’s happening…even with a former student (and lovely readers in my WP family) is incredibly humbling. 💕

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The fact that people are sharing it — when you’ve just published — is really cool. A testament to all the work that you put into it. So happy for you.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thanks for that, Brian. Can’t wait to hear your thoughts when you have time to read. Always value your input. 😉😉😉

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  11. When I reflect on the difficult times in my life, I sometimes wonder why I let it all get to me the way it did. But time and love and survival make us stronger and more resilient. Those qualities make it easier to have a more joyful outlook on life – even when things are tough.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for that, Maggie. You make a terrific point. If only we could time travel to our younger selves. Gah! The time I wasted worrying about things that I would find insignificant now. I agree – time and love can bring resilience and joy and I wish more joy for you – always. 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I love that when your former student mentions it, you laugh at the thought of being considered normal. You’re mine kind of people!!
    Actually, I hate the concept of “normal” All those years spent in the hospital gave me an appreciation for the idea that there is no Normal. Only ranges around an expected result. So you could say, we’re all within range… of what I don’t know but I’m sure you’ll still be my kind of people 😄

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love it — yes! Let’s apply a bell curve to everything….whatever’s within range – no matter how far the outlier edges = A-okay. I’m with you! Thanks for the smile, Michael! 😉😘😉

      Liked by 1 person

  13. petespringerauthor Avatar
    petespringerauthor

    I completely understand this feeling. I’ve been invited to many graduations, weddings, and even a housewarming party for former students. In the next couple of weeks, I’m meeting with one who just landed her first teaching job. I plan to pass on several materials to her.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love all of that, Pete! It’s one of the most wonderful (and honestly unexpected) privileges of a career in education. Enjoy every moment. Your mentorship of future teachers, new teachers is terrific (including how helpful your book must be to those you may never meet). 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  14. No such thing as normal! Sane yes, but normal no. It was a lovely comment all the same. I’ve no doubt your strength of character has much to do with it. Wishing you well – and all the success with your book Vicki 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. AP — thank you so much. Finding our way to trust and love ourselves…however we get there…is key. Thank you for being so generous with your own sharing. Strength of character right there – in you – I say! 🥰

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Ha, ha, ha – that is so fun and funny! I love it!! Oh, the goodness we reap when we share and are real comes in so many shapes and sizes!! 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I absolutely love that your former students have read your book (or their aunts have) and have sent you such lovely acknowledgments. That’s priceless. It is scary to put yourself out there and allow the world to respond. Brave you are my friend. Hugs, C

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Cheryl — I appreciate the support! It’s a gift, to be sure, but surprising – still – to realize anyone and everyone CAN read, if they want to. Lessons you’ve learned…both in publishing your beautiful book and your blog posts. But it’s what draws all of us near – your “Cheryl goodness”, candor and heart. xo and big hugs! 🥰🥰🥰

      Liked by 1 person

  17. To have former students coming back and asking for favors is a testament of who you really are . . . oh, and so normal!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Mary! It’s such a delight. And cheers to being “normal-ish”. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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