I want to be mad but I can’t. So I’m mad — about not being mad. With me so far?
You might be wondering about the photo. I’m not making this easy for you because I’m tired. As a result, you need to do your part — put a little effort in, OKAY? Squint if you need to, zoom in if it helps…until you can say ‘I spy’ and you see the two tiny paws in the center of the pic. Yep, those are Sadie paws. Our geriatric love bug of a Chihuahua…our elder and pampered pooch.
Normally, I’m a puppy lover, not a hater. I feel the same, generally for the hubster. Good guy (and no, there won’t be a pic of his ‘paws’. Just the doggie paws.) Today, however…I’m not feeling the love. I can’t. I need more coffee, Tylenol, a cold compress, a foot rub (no scratch that – I hate people touching my feet). I want to be alone. I want to eat all the cherry Danish, taunting me from the kitchen. I want to watch trash TV just because…
What’s the deal? No sleep. Worse than no sleep, actually. I’m feeling the fatigue that comes when you’re the sleepless one and your bedmates are snore babies. Yup. Both the hubster and Sadie had restful, soulful, slumber – despite their snoozy snore fest. All night.
Sadie loves to snuggle and burrow – under all the blankets in our ‘big bed’. We’ve become accustomed to this (although when she’s submerged under a sea of sheets and thermal blankets seven-pound Sadie disappears easily). But not last night. Nope. She picked up a new habit, noodling her way up to our pillows after thoroughly sniffing and inspecting her normal turf, under the covers. The hot doggie breath was bad as she nudged me to get her snout on my pillow. I scooched her away. Hubs? He accommodated her and rolled to his side, effectively sharing his pillow with the pooch as they positioned themselves back-to-back.
Weird, I thought but okay. And then, they began snoring in unison. Hubs started it, more on his back than his side which is dangerous…this is when his snoring is loudest…so much so that his sweet sister, years ago, wondered how in the bloody hell I was: 1. Still married to her noise-maker brother and/or 2. Why I punished myself by attempting to “sleep” in the same bed.
I tried to be a good sport at first. I mean, I’m not a monster. Their positions on the pillow? Kind of darling and sweet. While they were rhythmically wheezing and snorting together, I figured I’d roll over and sleep would come. Nope. Then the orchestra arrived with a woeful “horn” section and something that sounded like a whistle. I flipped my pillow over, hoping the cool side would help. It didn’t. I turned my cheesy sound machine up to ‘full monsoon rainstorm’. It didn’t help. I shoved Sadie gently. Just a nudge – thinking she’d wake and move – just enough to knock off the noise. Nope.
Given the time change and all, I figured it must be time to get up – somewhere. So, I did. I had that adrenalin rush of ‘Who needs sleep?’ and for about 90 minutes, whoa boy, I had bounce. I did two loads of laundry, caught up on reading (Wynne Leon, I’m looking at you…your book…oh my goodness) and had three cups of coffee – two iced, one hot – and two cups of tea. By the time the hubster and Sadie concluded their most fantastic sleep ever? I was ready for lunch. Or sundown.
Neither of my two bedmates had any idea I’d abandoned them. Both, in their own ways, gave me their regular ‘Hey there, happy Sunday’ look as if life was good and all was well. I don’t think I growled exactly, but I did retreat to a hot shower and a bit of a ‘lie down’. The world doesn’t look quite as bleak now.
Here’s to snore babies – pooches and partners – with the reminder that while they, like actual babies, CAN look cute as hell, when you’re the zombie in the house, nothing is truly “cute”.